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Tuesday, February 28, 2006

Tom Katt Turns To Christianity


Gay porn legend, Tom Katt, walked away from the biz a few years ago and re-emerged recently under his real name, David Papaleo, on an Atlanta based Christian television talk show to claim his conversion to heterosexuality and Christianity. Fortunately, he's not claiming that the two go hand in hand.

A lot of people, fans mainly, have thrown venom and vitriol in David's direction since this revelation. They feel betrayed of course on the issue of his sexuality and assume that his new found path includes being "holier than thou" and renouncing pornography. I'm happy to report that's not the case.

In an exclusive interview with The Dallas Voice, David comes off as compassionate, tolerant and peaceful. He even subscribes to many theories rooted within the Kabbalah, like this one, regarding the Bible being used as a metaphor or code, something to be interpreted and not read on the surface as mere words.

"If you look at it historically," he says, "culturally and you’re not pulling things out of context, the Bible says ‘don’t to go against what is natural.’ If you are naturally heterosexual and you’re having sex with men, well, first, you’re treating that guy unfairly. But the Bible’s not saying heterosexual is natural as far as from nature’s point of view — it means going against what’s natural for yourself.”

(Another possible interpretation, David, in case you're reading: To lay down with the "same" could be construed as "giving" to yourself, when our purpose here is to give to the world.)

As far as same-sex relationships and marriage, “They’re not wrong,” he continues. “The most important thing is to love God with all your heart. The second thing, is to love your fellow person that same way. I don’t know how loving someone of your own sex in that manner is considered wrong.”

Meanwhile, he says he's yet to find a church to which he wants to belong because they seem far more interested in preaching surface rather than debating interpretation.

Sounds to me like David needs to get his cute butt over to KabbalahCurious.com and hang with us!

Kabbalah, by the way, though its origins are obviously in Judaism, is practiced by everyone from Muslim to Catholic. It's a spirituality and a way of life, not a religion.

On the topic of David's sexuality, I really do believe that he went through a very long phase of experimentation, looking for his place in the world. I feel like everyone is born bisexual and he seems to understand that as he admits in the article that he has no problem telling people he was once "bi." But now that he is actually married and in a heterosexual relationship, I don't know how he could call himself anything but "straight." Just as I, now being in a monogamous relationship with a man, although I've had sex with women many times and still find them attractive, would have to consider myself at this point in my life to be homosexual.

I knew David personally for many years though we have fallen out of touch. He introduced me to Kate Bush (though I still say Tori is better!), was my personal trainer and a good friend though I felt he was very "lost" at the time and I had no desire to spend a great deal of time around his "chaotic" energy. (I wasn't nearly as "sharing" as I am now! HA!) I remember once he tried to kiss me and I pulled away, not out of unattraction to him obviously, but because it just felt wrong. Instinctively, I knew even then. I'm sure somewhere deep down, he knew too.

I'm really glad he's found the next road on his journey and that he has found a cloud of his own happiness amidst the storm.

For the full article in the Dallas Voice, click here:
http://www.dallasvoice.com/artman/publish/article_1317.php


JASON'S OTHER SITES:
JasonCurious.com
JasonSechrest.com
DV8Entertainment.com


RELATED SITES:
Kabbalah.com
72.com - Technology for the Soul
The Zohar - Weekly Studies
Weekly Kabbalah Wisdom
Weekly Kabbalah Astrology
Exclusively Kabbalah Group
SpiritualityforKids.com


Have questions? Need advice? Want to share? EMAIL Jason at jason@jasonsechrest.com

Monday, February 27, 2006

Welcoming Pisces, Welcoming Joy


We are now well into the month of Pisces and as Kabbalah teaches us, we are all One, and therefore Kabbalistic astrology is not based on your own personal sign, but the sign of the month, wherein we take on the traits and energy of people born during that period of time. I did a lot of research this morning and of course, it should come as no surprise that the things we've been waxing philosophical upon as of late here at KabbalahCurious.com happen to lead us right into the energy that is available for us to tap into this month according to Kabbalistic astrology.

In Kabbalah, this is the month of Adar, which in Hebrew translates to "the back of the head," which is where the brain's involuntary impulses are controlled. In other words: Instinct, something we were just discussing. (No coincidences!) In Tarot, the card that relates to this month is that of The Moon, which also has much to do with "raw emotion" and that can easily be translated to instinct. The universal astrological symbol of Pisces is two fish and is often associated with cycles of change or replacement of old ideas with the new. The two fish are also symbolic of having the ability to swim easily between two very different realms: the realm of physicality and the realm of spirituality, which is why Pisces tend to lead such spiritually productive lives. They can easily reside with one foot firmly planted in both worlds at all times and this is a gift we are given this month to be able to tap into. The two fish can also be seen as something we've discussed here recently at length: the duality of both Light and Dark existing within you at once. Any way you cut it, this is a time of focus on the duality of our beings and our primal instinct.

As we are all connected as One, we all have Light within us and we all have dark within us. It is vitally important during the time of Pisces for us all to recognize the negativity within us because the process of seeing it is synonymous with dispelling it. So many people who dive into spirituality or religion immediately try training their minds to say, "I am not going to be a negative being. I am not going to see negative. Hear no evil, see no evil, speak no evil." This line of thinking unfortunately does not promote personal growth or spiritual development, it only makes the darkness stronger. We are not to ignore the negative sides of ourselves, but to dive into their darkness. We must analyze it. Why do I act this way? When do I act this way? When did I begin acting this way? What is it that keeps me hanging onto acting this way?

Not making much sense yet? Visualize it physically: If the darkness of a particular negative trait is somewhere deep within your body, as we all know it is, how do you get it out of your body (physical)/self (spiritual)? Do you ignore it? Do you say it doesn't exist anymore and fool yourself into thinking that you can just stop that "reactive" or "corrupt instinctive" behavior? No, then it remains there. In order to throw it out of your body/self, where does it have to go first? To the surface.

The energy is available to all of us this month to clarify our darkness, the things we want to change or don't like about ourselves, so that we can rid ourselves of them for good.

And how do we clarify it?

We claim our darkness. Only then can we control it.

This whole thought process brings about many revelations. First of all, it should help us to recognize that because we are all at constant battle with Light and Dark within us, we are all the same. Therefore, when someone approaches us with negativity, it should give us greater tolerance for them and an understanding that we have been through or are going through the same thing, again promoting the idea that we are all One.

Another revelation here is that no matter how much spiritual transformation you may take on, though you may rid yourself of certain negative traits, which is certainly what we all strive for an a positive thing to do, it doesn't mean that darkness as a whole will ever leave you. It will always be there. There is always more spiritual work to be done, so don't beat yourself up over anything. It's not like once you conquer one thing, you'll be done and the perfect person. You already are the "perfect person." You're just trying to rid yourself of things that keep you from contributing to creating a better world. And through this line of thinking, it becomes more about the Desire to Share as opposed to the Desire to Receive for the Self Alone. Wanting to become the "perfect person" is all about "you." Not good. Wanting to work on how you treat people in your life and the negative sides of yourself, that is born of the desire to share. So don't beat yourself up this month over those negative traits of yours as you analyze them and look at them because that only spawns more negative energy, doesn't it?

Which leads us right into the other lesson to be learned this month: Happiness is what brings the blessings. The blessings do not bring happiness. OR reversed: You think you have problems and therefore you're sad, but the reality is that you are sad and therefore you have problems.

Your energy attracts the physical.

There is a great gift this month in that during Pisces, it is easier to be happy than it is to be sad. So many of us hold onto our sadness, our chaos, our wallowing in our own self-misery because it is like a blanket. It keeps up warm and we're afraid of what may happen without. Remove the blanket. The sun is waiting to shine on you, the Light is waiting to shine on you, and that will keep you warm.

Problems in your life and in yourself? Yes! Sure thing! We must look at it those things and analyze them and shuck 'em out! But to worry about it? To be sad because of it? Wasted energy. And it doesn't make sense. Why be sad? You're growing by analyzing these things about you and that should be exciting!

So many people fall prey to believing that because they are furthering their spiritual study, they have to have less fun. Not true! It opens you to having even more fun. And even during the moments of your life where you're not neccessarily focusing on the spiritual, where you're just having fun for fun's sake, it will be an elevated level of fun and joy because you're coming at it from your studies an elevated and higher consciousness.

So, this month, we dedicate ourselves to welcoming joy, which should be especially easy as we bring our negatives to the surface. This month, we say, "I'm not going to fear. I'm not going to worry. It's waste. I will handle these problems. I will fix things I don't like about myself by analyzing them. And I will be happy!" Because the blessings and the Light come only when we open ourselves for it through our happiness.

Not a whole lot new here that I haven't been discussing in the last few posts actually, but I was overwhelmingly happy to see such a confirmation and that it is something that should be relating to all of my reader's lives right now as well and therefore bares repeating.


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JasonCurious.com
JasonSechrest.com
DV8Entertainment.com


RELATED SITES:
Kabbalah.com
72.com - Technology for the Soul
The Zohar - Weekly Studies
Weekly Kabbalah Wisdom
Weekly Kabbalah Astrology
Exclusively Kabbalah Group
SpiritualityforKids.com


Have questions? Need advice? Want to share? EMAIL Jason at jason@jasonsechrest.com

Saturday, February 25, 2006

Tori's Pizza


In addition to the previous post, there is a quote from Tori Amos that I used to disagree with (which is rare - I am creamed over anything that comes out of her mouth) but I think I understand now.

"What [I think] Jesus was really saying was, 'It is within you.' There are things that I would disagree with Jesus about - and I feel really good about that. That’s how it should be. Respect Him to go His way and I’ll do my thing. I mean, if you want to go and sit out in the desert for 40 days, knock yourself out. But I’m going to go and get some pizza. And it doesn't make me a lesser person because of that. There is a level where humans have been taught that they are so unworthy and incapable. What I try to inspire in my work is that we are capable."

My first reaction to this was that going and eating a pizza (Derrick, take heed! lol) was in no way helping you evolve as a spiritual individual as opposed to going to a desert for 40 days where, even if they're crazy, at least they're trying to "connect."

But after my recent revelation (see previous post), I see that what she's saying is actually much deeper. If we truly believe that God is within us and has enabled us with the capabilities to handle all challenges passed down before us so that we may grow from those obstacles... sometimes, more often than not, the most holy/spiritual/perfect thing to do is just be.

You don't need the best body you can have to be perfect/holy. Working 20 hours a day doesn't make you perfect/holy. Reading scripture doesn't make you perfect/holy. These are all just tools to help us evolve more as a spiritual being. But perfection or holiness, whichever word you want to use, is already in us as we were born in the Creator's image.

Being yourself without walls or barriers, letting people into the real you so that you may share your full and true self with them, even as strangers, because they are all your brothers as we are all one under the Creator, perhaps this what makes a highly evolved, spiritual being; recognizing that you are just as perfect/holy if you go have a pizza as you are if you go to Church because this shows your personal strength in the belief that no one is better than anyone else and we are all One.

Now, does this mean that we should go eat pizza 100% of the time? Absolutely not. This would be just another form of closing yourself off instead of opening up to the world, "letting go" to share your true self with them. There's a big world out there in which we are to go make mistakes. There's a big world in which we are to learn. Most importantly, there's a big world in which we are to share ourselves and our God given talents and those innate blessings and talents are only as strong as we recognize them to be.

Now there's another angle to this: Letting go and "letting people in" is all about trusting your instincts. We were born with amazing (mystical?) instincts and we should all listen to them a little more often. However, our "instincts" are seemingly not always born of the most positive energy in the world are they? When someone cuts us off in traffic, our "instinct" is not to love them, but to throw them the middle finger or worse yet get out of our car with a baseball bat!

News flash: These are not your instincts. This is not the way you were when you came out of your mother's womb. This is probably not even the way you were at 3 years old. But we adapt to the society that is around us, we learn from what we see and our true God given (Light given, whatever you want to call it) "instincts" get more and more corrupted as the years go on.

So when can we trust our instincts? When we understand that we are all One and that everyone is just as perfect as you and all mistakes are meant to be to learn from. When we no longer have Desire to Receive for the Self Alone and understand that our only job is to share no matter where we are and when, whether we're eating a pizza or at Church or anywhere in between. When we have certainty that this physical world is just an "illusion" and the spiritual energy realm makes up 99% of everything, leaving only the 1% that is this physical world where someone just cut you off and it's so unimportant that you won't even remember it 10 mins. from now.

So, boys and girls, here's how I see it. It is a three-step program. When you find yourself in need of listening to your instincts and "letting go":

1. Remove the illusion. Remember the 1% realm that we are immersed in as opposed to the 99% realm that we need to be tapped into.

2. Remove the Desire to Receive for the Self Alone. Understand that we are all perfect and all One under the Creator and that our goal is to share with each other.

3. Listen to your instincts. You've now created, through steps 1 and 2, a path to where you can reach your true self, the person you were when you came out of the womb. It's still there, ya know? Now that you're clear, listen to yourself. Go inside. You'll find all your answers there. Never second guess it.

When the person in traffic cuts you off, stop and realize this is something only of the 1% physical world that you are dealing with. Then remember that we are all perfect, including that person who just cut you off, and we are all One. Then listen to your instinct and I guarantee you that it will be filled with positivity and love for your fellow man. And if you are in a moment where you forget to follow these steps and you reach for that baseball bat, do not beat yourself up with it. That's just as awful. Because you are still perfect. And that was meant to be. And we are all on our own path. And be greatful for that moment of negativity because you just learned from it and have grown.

Wow, if we all lived by these rules, maybe world peace would be possible after all.


JASON'S OTHER SITES:
JasonCurious.com
JasonSechrest.com
DV8Entertainment.com

RELATED SITES:
Kabbalah.com
72.com - Technology for the Soul
The Zohar - Weekly Studies
Weekly Kabbalah Wisdom
Weekly Kabbalah Astrology
Exclusively Kabbalah Yahoo! Group
SpiritualityforKids.com

Have questions? Need advice? Want to share? EMAIL Jason at jason@jasonsechrest.com

Wednesday, February 22, 2006

The Battle of the Free Spirit & The Good Deed Doer


The last week of every month for me is a lot like cramming for a final. There's always a couple goals I set for myself spiritually every month relating to the energy that Kabbalah says is made available during that time of that particular year. (A lot of Kabbalah is rooted in astrology and numerology. More on this later.) I always have moments of slacking throughout the month, so when it comes down to the final days, I feel this need to focus all of my attention, not just to work on these goals but to actually "transform," as they say, and make it second nature to me so I can move on to subsequent lessons in the next month.

So, February was the month of Shevat, or Aquarius, and Aquarian energy permeated us all throughout the past few weeks, whether we tapped into it or not. Those born under this sign tend to think globaly with big ideas for how to better the world. This part was easy for me as I was already planning to launch KabbalahCurious.com in February. But the challenge for Aquarians lies in letting someone in on a personal level. This one has been a doozy!

Although letting people in has always been difficult for me, it's no coincidence that this month where the energy is available to fix this problem also happens to be the month that my boyfriend moves into my apartment. I've also been plagued throughout the month with this difficulty of letting people in when it comes to my acting, as mentioned in a previous post. And, adding yet more irony, months ago my tarot card reading for the winter told me that the phrase for the season is: "Let go!"

Let Go! ...as in, stop trying so hard. Stop watching yourself. Stop judging yourself so hard. Stop second guessing your every move. Let go and let people into the real you. Because the wall that is up has made my life less organic and it is killing my creativity.

So I'm balls deep in the study this week preparing for the transformation and this morning during my meditation I get this message and begin scribbling, per usual the words as they flow from my third eye to my brain: "Letting people in - one would think I do that 24/7 just looking at my career. All the blogs, sexual exploits, baring of soul, et. al. But it's all being controlled by me. It's me letting people in only when I'm in control of how much I let them in and how much I show them and when I choose to show it. It's safe that way. It's not getting me out of my comfort zone, which is where the magic happens. LOSE CONTROL. Life is in that!"

With this in mind, I go to my first class at The Groundlings today, which is a different acting class than what I'm accustomed to. It's a school for improv, the most famous one in the world actually, that "Saturday Night Live" has pulled nearly all of its actors from since the show premiered.

As it turns out, the keys to great improv are actually quite spiritual, like any form of creativity. But more than that, it's even about what I'm learning this week and the message I got in my meditation this morning. You see, the key to good improv is in clearing your mind completely. It's all about spontaneity and not pre-planning what it is you're going to do or say. It's not about trying to be funny or clever, but just about... letting go. There are no mistakes in improv. We are banned from saying "I'm sorry" in the class because nothing is ever wrong. If someone "slips" and say something that doesn't make sense, it's up to that person's partner on stage to make it make sense and that becomes the hilarity.

The instructor said something that really stuck with me: "You can make no mistakes in improv so stop fearing that you're going to and stop apologizing when you feel you have. And that should give you a great deal of power. Can you imagine what it would feel like if you knew on a constant basis that you could never make any mistakes? If you believe that you are perfect, everyone else will believe you're perfect. "

It made me think, "Hmm... there really are no mistakes. I already believe everything 'is' for a reason. What on Earth do I EVER have to be afraid of or apologize for? We ALL make mistakes and those mistakes are always meant to be because we grow from them. We really can do no wrong."

Or maybe more succintly: None of us are perfect, therefore we are all perfect.

The instructor continued: "It's about getting back to that place in time where we were totally unapologetic for who we were and we just WERE without thinking. Back to that time when we weren't watching everything we said and judging every mistake we make. Back when it wasn't so controlled. There is no controlling an improv or it is no longer an improv, by the very definition of the word."

For some people, that time and place is as early as 4 years old. I didn't feel that way at 4. I felt that way at 13. And only at school. I could never be myself at home due to various forms of repression and pure insanity, so when I went to school it was like I had been bottled up for the past 12+ hours and just BURST during the time I was out of the house. From 13 - 18, I never watched myself at school. I said what I wanted, I did what I wanted, I was unapologetic. C'mon, I was a teenager - I knew it all! I was also a completely insensitive, selfish and uncaring bitch, which is why I started spiritual study at 18 after my first true love put a mirror up to my face when he left me. But the more that I studied, the more humbled I became and the more apologetic I became and the smaller I realized I was in the grand scheme of things. All good things to be, but not when it comes to improv, huh? Not when it comes to any form of creativity.

So how do I get back to that place of "being free" and "losing control" and "letting people in" and "not watching myself" without being a complete ass? How do you believe everything you do is perfect without being an egomaniac? It's an ox AND a moron, isn't it? It's like a riddle.

The answer? Came to me while I was studying The Kabbalah this afternoon, of course. The answer hit me out of nowhere: It is no longer arrogance telling me that everything I do is perfect and that I can make no mistakes, but instead a deeper understanding of the human experience and spirituality. It's realizing that EVERYONE is perfect and that there are NO mistakes for ANYONE as opposed to the comparison of, "I am perfect and you're not."

It's global. Not local.

Which also replaces "judgement" with love and absolute tolerance.

You have no idea how huge this revelation is for me! I'm constantly battling the balance of my spiritual beliefs with how to continue being a free spirit, a raw nerve so I can keep my creative energy alive!

I feel free, like I did as a teenager, for the first time in 7 years. It's as though I've been reborn. I've found my way back "home" knowing so much more than I did before. And strangely enough, all month people from high school, some of whom I don't even remember, have been contacting me out of nowhere, reminding me of what I was like then and how I inspired them! Literally dozens. All at once, the flood of the past comes in like a signal, calling me back.

All just mere weeks after visiting my old hometown of Sarasota, Florida, too. With my boyfriend. Who has now moved in with me. Who I have also been forced to "let go" with. Uh-huh. It's a little crazy how it all fits like pieces of a puzzle, isn't it?

Goodness and there's so much more irony, folks. As if we haven't already had enough physical allegories to confirm for me that I'm on the right track with this revelation, get this! I turned 26 on the 26th of November going into the year 2006 where only two zeros are separating the number 26. The real Kabbalah (not the dumbed down version I've been studying!) is hardcore entrenched in numerology and mathematics, but I don't know a lot about it. But I know numbers have a certain power and energy and meaning attached to them. So, I tried researching it online a few months go when I turned 26 and all I could find was talk of how there are 26 letters in the alphabet, 26 bones in the spine and how the numeric value of the letters in "God" equal 26. Which is fascinating! But doesn't tell me shit about what it means, right?

Well, as I mentioned yesterday, I joined that kick ass Kabbalah group on Yahoo! and low and behold, someone had an answer for me this evening -- after this amazing revelation had already occured during my day. First, I was informed that it is the only number that falls between a squared number and a cubed number which makes it very unique so that's symbolic that this will be a year that stands out amongst the rest for me. But the really awe inspiring part came when a teacher named Logan told me the real Kabbalistic meaning of the number 26. He wrote:

Well 25 is the square of 5 and 27 is the cube of 3. 26 therefore symbolises the gateway between 5 in 2 dimensions and 3 in 3 dimensions.

Luria states that the Root of the Shattering is Din (Gevurah - 5).

26 is The point where you completely stop planning yourself.

I am that I am.

...And it all ties together. And I feel like I just got home.


JASON'S OTHER SITES:
JasonCurious.com
JasonSechrest.com
DV8Entertainment.com

RELATED SITES:
Kabbalah.com
72.com - Technology for the Soul
The Zohar - Weekly Studies
SpiritualityforKids.com

* KabbalahCurious.com is not endorsed or sponsored by The Kabbalah Centre. Though we would love to be!

Have questions? Need advice? Want to share? EMAIL Jason at jason@jasonsechrest.com

Tuesday, February 21, 2006

Reactions & Comments Part 2: The Good Guys

Balancing the negative with the positive, I felt the need to inform you of a group of Kabbalists that have embraced the blog. It's a Yahoo! Group called ExclusivelyKabbalah. The group welcomed me with open arms yesterday and I have to say, it's a little addicting. We were exchanging ideas and information throughout the day, though I must admit, these boys are waaaay more advanced than I in the study of Kabbalah. They're hardcore into the numerology and science of it all, which is something I've only scratched the surface of, but I feel like I can learn a lot from them. Even though I don't understand what the hell they're saying half the time. But hey, I am a firm believer in surrounding yourself with people who know more than you do! Anyway, the blog is at: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/ExclusivelyKabbalah/


JASON'S OTHER SITES:
JasonCurious.com
JasonSechrest.com
DV8Entertainment.com

RELATED SITES:
Kabbalah.com
72.com - Technology for the Soul
The Zohar - Weekly Studies
SpiritualityforKids.com

* KabbalahCurious.com is not endorsed or sponsored by The Kabbalah Centre. Though we would love to be!

Have questions? Need advice? Want to share? EMAIL Jason at jason@jasonsechrest.com

Monday, February 20, 2006

Reactions & Comments


First of all, I want to thank you all so much for your support of KabbalahCurious.com in its opening days. We have received way more traffic than I thought we would thanks to many articles posted by both mainstream and adult publications. I want to especially thank those of you who have decided to leave comments here at the blog. At the bottom of each entry is a link for you to post comments, suggestions, personal experiences, questions, etc. and I promise I will get to each of them individually. You can also share with other readers there. I love the idea of everyone leaving their own energy here, so please by all means, post away!

Interestingly enough, it is the Kabbalists and Rabbis themselves who seem to be the only ones taking a disliking to the page and that has disappointed me, though I'm not really surprised. I did a search over the weekend for Kabbalah sites that feature links to others and emailed them with mine. Here are some of the responses I received:

If you want to put a link to my site on yours you are welcome to do so. You'll have to forgive me if I don't put a link to your site on mine. Slightly too risqué. BTW I used to be a Rabbi at the Chabad Russian Synagogue/Chabad of West Hollywood which is right near you on S.Monica Bl. If you want to be part of the CyberYeshivah Kabbalah School join the group. - http://groups.yahoo.com/group/KabbalahCyberYeshivah

WOAH...I just looked at your site.......I am recinding my offer of linking sites...I do NOT do porn in any way. My site is spiritual, not sexual....and I HATE guns! Please remove me from any lists or any further communication. Naomi Shifra[Automated Signature reads:] May all peoples of the planet Earth know that all things are connected in all ways, always..and that peace is the ONLY way. Blessed be...in love and light, Naomi Shifra,B.D.,R.N. Quanyin Spirit Garden and Third Eye Images http://www.geocities.com/Tokyo/Dojo/1299/index.htm

Dear Jason, You would benefit greatly from Rabbi Ginsburgh's book What You Need to Know About Kabbalah. Blessings, Rabbi Ginsburgh's Secretariat - www.Inner.org


The Rabbi and his assessment, though handled diplomatically, seems hypocritical; almost as though he is afraid of what his reader's reactions would be. But Kabbalah is big on No Fear, especially fear of being judged. Meanwhile, Naomi's harsh reaction is just the furthest thing from Kabbalastic behavior I've ever seen. True Kabbalists don't "hate" anything and definitely do not behave in "reactionary" manner. I was pleased by the response from Rabbi Ginsburgh's "secretary," that is until checking out his book and finding that one of the first chapters is titled: "The Misuse of Kabbalah." Misuse? Like anything in life, Kabbalah is a reflection of what you bring to it. Saying that Kabbalah can be misused is like saying everything from a hammer to the Bible can be misused. A hammer can be used to pound nails for hanging pictures on a wall or it can be used as a lethal weapon for murder. It is what you bring to it. But this line of judgmental thinking is exactly what kept its wisdom a secret for ages.

I am not angry at these people, nor do I feel they are wrong. They have their own path to follow and have to do what they feel is right. It was just interesting to me, that not one of the so-called experts of this spiritual belief system were practicing what it is they were preaching.

Someone asked me when I started the site if I felt the Bergs (the founders of The Kabbalah Centre) would approve of it. My immediate reaction was, "Absolutely!" But now, I'm starting to wonder.

Oh well! And on we all blindly stumble...

L,
J.


JASON'S OTHER SITES:
JasonCurious.com
JasonSechrest.com
DV8Entertainment.com

RELATED SITES:
Kabbalah.com
72.com - Technology for the Soul
The Zohar - Weekly Studies
SpiritualityforKids.com

* KabbalahCurious.com is not endorsed or sponsored by The Kabbalah Centre. Though we would love to be!

Have questions? Need advice? Want to share? EMAIL Jason at jason@jasonsechrest.com

Sunday, February 19, 2006

Sex & Spirituality Part 2: Love & Lust


There's the Virgin Mary, Mary Magdalane... and then there's Mary Carey.

Just an addendum to yesterday's post. I've had some people email me asking how sex with my boyfriend can possibly be as hot as the random sex with strangers I used to encounter on a weekly basis and how doesn't it grow old.

I don't think it's a secret to anyone who has followed my scribblings and doo dads over the years that I have led a rather wild sex life. So here's food for thought: Monogamy is only a continuation of that wild sex life, as our sex becomes the wildest I've ever experienced.

I'm not talking metaphysically here, folks. I'm not filling the space with allegories and subtext. I mean literally, physically: IT'S WILD. Our sex life often resembles something out of "Mr. & Mrs. Smith." (We're suckers for feigned violence!) Why? For me, the answer lies in what I mentioned yesterday about the ultimate "nakedness" being vulnerability. The more experimental I become, the more I find myself in a vulnerable state. I could never be this experimental/vulnerable with a random stranger! Well, I could, but it would be half-assed. I wouldn't lose myself in the moment of it all like I can knowing that I am with someone who will catch me if I fall. I can completely submerse myself in new things (I'm versatile for the first time in my life!) and try things even I have never tried before.

One thing I love about Kabbalah's view on sexuality is that Love and Lust are not specifically divided within its text. Religious groups have so long hammered home the division between the two, the Virgin Mary and Mary Magdalane, that it has become part of our social climate and is taught subconsciously to us even if we do not grow up in a religious household or go to church. The idea that the two can not be married is appalling to me, especially when you look at what this "rule" has done to women in many cultures over the centuries. Men are brought up believing that they were damned from the beginning by Woman (Eve) and yet their only salvation is through Woman (the Virgin Mary) -- but that salvation must come through a sexless woman.

First of all, I don't believe this is what the Bible was ever saying, but after self-professed hardcore misogynists like King James got ahold of the text, it became interpreted in an entirely different way. But it is because of this ridiculous concept of women only being at their most holy when sexless (the Virgin Mary, nuns, etc.) that you have cultures that force women to wear outfits that hide their entire bodies and tribes that ritualistically chop off girls' clitorises as soon as they're old enough to get themselves wet. Whether its physically or mentally or spiritually, they are all saying the same thing: Cut it out! Cut our your passion. Cut out your Lust. Only then can you know Love. Only then can you be holy.

So much of The Bible never made sense to me until Kabbalah. Why would we worship The Virgin Mary for the ever purity of her womb? She had children after Christ! She was not forever pure. Why did Jesus lay down with Mary Magdalane if She was Sin incarnate? Was it because he believed She should not be judged? He could have not judged the bitch without laying down with Her!

Kabbalah sees Biblical text as a code. It is a story, the greatest ever told. It is a metaphor and within its metaphors are the secrets to everlasting fulfillment and happiness by looking beyond the text's surface to its hidden meanings. (And when you think about it, of course it is a metaphor, from chapter one! Have you ever known a snake to speak?)

Why did Jesus lay down with Mary? He must have felt a kinship and a closeness to Her that he had not felt for anyone else. Why? What bond did they share? What did they have in common?

Mary believed in claiming and expressing all parts of herself, not just some -- she went within herself to find those parts and not to an outside source. I don't believe it is coincidence that this is what Jesus was saying all along. Maybe all He ever was saying really is that God is within everything and is within ourselves. To look within! You are born in His "image" (not just physically, look beyond the physical) and therefore have the tools and abilities He has blessed you with to solve all of your problems.

Look within and you will find your strength. Look within and you will find God.

Mary was already looking within, like Jesus.

But so many are so afraid to look within themselves. So scared of what they will find or that they will find nothing at all, that the strength will not be there. So they put their faith into something external. They spend all day sometimes praying, instead of spending all day doing something proactive to solve their problems or helping their fellow man -- and then they then wonder why their prayers are not answered. Perhaps it is because they didn't answer the prayers themselves. When you don't recognize the beauty of God's strength that is within you, you lessen that strength. When you don't claim and express all parts of yourself, those neglected parts lose their strength too.

Love is within each of us. Lust is within each of us. It is in the mental separating of the two that sex becomes tainted. It causes spouses to cheat on each other. It creates disease. Lust should always be combined with Love (hell, everything should be combined with Love!), even in the case of a one-night stand. If we are all truly One, then we intrinsically have Love already for everyOne, especially during that physical connection. It's not doing anything other than changing your own consciousness, really.

Understand and claim what it is you are really doing during sexual encounters, on a physical and spiritual plane, and it will change your sex life forever.

P.S.: This is just my interpretation of the Jesus and Mary story! It doesn't have to be anyone else's! There is no "right" interpretation of the Bible according to Kabbalah. We are not God so who are we to say what the text actually means? We can only say what it means to us and like any book, it will affect every reader in a different way and they will take whatever they are meant to take from it.

L,
J.


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Saturday, February 18, 2006

Sex & Spirituality


So I'm now in a monogamous relationship for the first time in God knows when and that's brought up a lot of questions from people, namely boiling down to: Why?

Well, Mikey and I have a lot of faith based in living a life with No Fear and during the first year of our relationship, we saw monogamy as a practice people perform because they are afraid. The last thing we wanted was to have one ounce of our connection be tainted by any sort of fear: Fear that we will find someone hotter than us, fear that we will fall in love with another, fear that we will pay someone more attention, and by giving into these fears thereby shouting the world that we fear our bond is not strong enough. We replaced Fear with Faith. We truly do know deep in our heart that we are Soul Mates and that we have a connection no one else can penetrate, no matter how many people are penetrating or being penetrated by us! And furthermore, we felt our relationship shouldn't be wholly based on sex. After five years of being best friends, how could we possibly fear that anyone else will ever understand us more, care about us more, love us more after a random fuck?

And so it went. We were in an open relationship with the one rule being absolute honesty. We had to tell each other everything, which more often than not, ended up turning us on. But as time went by and our love for each other grew stronger by the day, our desire for dalliances with others became less and less. Although we had the option to be with anyone we wanted, we started to find that we just didn't want to. Suddenly, sex with other people was never as good. Personally, this was mind-boggling to me and has taken me quite a bit of time to get my head around. I mean, how?! How is this person, who I didn't even look at sexually for five years of my life, now the greatest lay I've ever had? Why doesn't anyone else do it for me anymore? Why... do I suddenly WANT monogamy, not out of fear, but out of pure desire for it?

This forced me to really look inward regarding sex and the hundreds of men and women whom I'd laid down with before now. By accepting that this man is the greatest of them all, I had to accept that sex actually is a "connection." Men, in particular, so often disassociate sex from any sort of emotional or spiritual connection, but the mere act of it alone should prove that it is at the very least a "physical" connection. And as we all know, the physical mirrors the spiritual.

Considering the amount of people I've slept with in the past five years, I'd say I was unconsciously craving just about any kind of connection I could get. I was filling a void. HA! Literally and metaphysically, no? And there's nothing wrong with that. According to Kabbalah, "connecting" to people is what we're all put on this Earth to do. We are all made of up of desire. It is the core essence of a human being. Therefore, according to Kabbalistic wisdom, there is no more potentially spiritual conduit for the expression of our desire than sex. It is a beautiful thing.

But it becomes less beautiful by the mere act of ignoring its beauty or not being aware of its beauty. Sex is only as great as the energy that you infuse into it. The more "naked" you get, the more you allow yourself to truly "connect" with that person, the better it is. I work in pornography and see naked people every day. It does nothing for me. It never really did because it is so mechanical and all business. But someone being emotionally naked, opening up their soul, letting themselves become vulnerable... that is the hottest thing in the world to me.

That's what I get with my boyfriend that I can't get and won't get with anyone else. Your "connection" to each person is unique, which is why sex with every person is different. Once you find your Soul Mate and experience the connection on that level, there's really no going back. Nothing ever tastes as sweet again.

So new game, new rules. Total monogamy with the exception of the occasional threesome because let's face it, I'm 26 and he's 27. It's not like we're never going to have sex with another person for the rest of our lives. I'd just rather have it with him there so that amazing connection is still part of the sexual experience. Will we slip up? Maybe. I'd like to think we won't because we've both experienced so much already and have come to this conclusion mutually and of our own volition. But hey, if we slip up in some drunken stupor, we just have to be honest, own up to it and tell each other. People make mistakes. The real mistake would be in not telling each other. Honesty and communication are so essential in keeping "connections" of any kind unscathed.

Look, I love Snickers most of all, but variety is the spice of life and after years of having Snickers day after day, I may want a Milky Way, right?

It's just that these days I find myself thinking, why even bother when I already have the whole damned candy store?


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Thursday, February 16, 2006

Why "Wrong" Is So Right

So how did she do it? How is Rascal Video's "Wrong Side of the Tracks," starring Johnny Hazzard, better than any movie Chi Chi LaRue has made in a career spanning over 15 years? How do you make a movie that gets nominated for 12 prestigious GayVN Award nominations? For this reviewer, the answer is simple. Chi Chi included two very important elements of Kabbalah without even knowing it while making this movie and thus it has become, quite possibly, the greatest XXX video of all time, straight or gay!

A. One of the first things we learn in Kabbalah is that there is always a way to "challenge" yourself every second of every day. That challenge is where the gift of that second lies. Chi Chi did just that with "Wrong Side of the Tracks," going completely out of her comfort zone. She detests dialogue in sex films and hates shooting anywhere without permits. But that nervousness added energy to what she was creating and that challenge was something she made herself meet.

B. She set out to make a statement. LaRue passionately tells the tale of the corrupt from both sides of the fence and without beating you over the head, as is so often the case in porn with purpose, shows us just how similar the dark side of life at the top can be to the dark side of life on the streets.

And who could have possibly told that story better? Who else has witnessed first hand the horrors that lie in the indulgences success can bring while simultaneously witnessing the private lives of the street urchins?

Chi Chi tells me that this set was just "magical." She says things just came together and so much of what was shot was entirely unplanned. In the business they say, "The porn Gods must have been smiling on us that day." It's a cute quip, but not far from the truth.

"Wrong Side of the Tracks" was LaRue’s tale to tell.

L,
J.

* Click here for my full review of "Wrong Side of the Tracks."

* SPECIAL OFFER: The Collector’s Set of Rascal Video’s "Wrong Side of the Tracks - Part 1 & 2," is now on DVD at 47% OFF! Order now and get another movie from Rascal, "Raw Footage," ABSOLUTELY FREE in the Curious Corner Store.


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Wednesday, February 01, 2006

If it's bitter at the start, then it's sweeter in the end.

Every morning I awaken at 5:00 am to meditate while listening to my Kabbalah lectures and doing yoga. Yesterday’s lecture was all about how being merely “present for your life” and “going through the motions” is never enough. Kabbalah teaches us that for every single moment of every day, there is a challenge and there is an opportunity to give 110% positive energy to that challenge and that moment.

This can be explained in terms of the physical world for a better understanding as well: Going to the gym, for example, is not about just entering the building. Being merely present and getting yourself there will not improve your body at all. It’s about what you do while you are there. How much are you challenging yourself? How much are you giving 110%? However much you challenge and however much you give, that’s how much you’re going to grow.

So early yesterday morning, I made a vow that I was going to live every moment of this particular day in constant search for what the challenge is, promising myself that I would give beyond my everything to it.
It was delightfully easier than I had imagined! Around Noon, your mind is already in that head space and begins to sort of drive itself on auto-pilot. I got so much accomplished and felt so much connection and felt high all day long!

But things started to change around 8:00 pm when I went to acting class. I have been studying with Bobbie Chance since I was 19 years old. You may have seen her on E!’s “Fight for Fame” or the WB show, “The Starlet.” She’s a brilliant and very unconventional acting coach who has worked with everyone from Drew Barrymore and Anthony Hopkins to Jack Nicholson and Richard Dreyfuss. It is a very elite class with a very elite group of students and I take a lot of pride in the fact that I have always been the teacher’s pet. I’m the one she has taken under her wing and sometimes I think she believes in me almost as much as her own children. She usually gives me very similar roles; insane, off the wall characters in crazy comedies, and I know every time I step on that stage, she is going laugh her ass off, clutch her heart and call me the most brilliant actor in the class.

But tonight, Bobbie decided to go a completely different direction and gave me a dramatic scene in which I was to portray a boy who is being beaten daily by his father and is confiding in his brother about it for the first time. He can no longer take the abuse. He can’t forgive his father. He’s wading it insurmountable pain.

I couldn’t see the role to save my life.

I gave 110% to it, working so hard on the scene for hours, and no matter how much I tried, I just couldn’t get to that place of pain. Sure, I could “act” it and it would’ve been fine for any movie of the week, but that’s not nearly good enough for Bobbie’s standards or mine for that matter. I didn’t feel it. It wasn’t organic. I wasn’t able to completely lose myself in that pain and in that moment.

When I was 19 and began studying with Bobbie, it opened me up to an entirely new world of expression. Back then, there was plenty of pain and misery to pull from. Thanks to her classes, I was able to take down my walls, not just on stage but in my personal life too, saying whatever popped into my head, being a raw nerve and able to access the gamut of emotions that had all been lurking right there under the surface until then.

Since those days, however, I’ve worked through a lot of the darker emotions that were consuming my life. And when I say worked through, I mean really worked through. They’re not just hiding somewhere. There’s not a wall up. They’re just gone. I’m not sure how to find them. It had been so long since I’d felt the kind of pain that this poor boy must have been going through, I couldn’t remember how to access it because it was no longer right beneath the surface.

And it was at this moment that I suddenly realized: This is a whole new level for me in the study of the craft. I should be able to get to the emotion without it being right there on the surface. I should be able to be have the best day of my life and feel pain and misery when someone yells, “ACTION!” Acting is not just about being able to get to emotions that happen to be close to your heart. It’s about being able to get to any emotion at any time, even if it has nothing to do with your life at that moment. For instance, Anthony Hopkins and Kevin Spacey have given award-winning performances coming from a place of truth portraying the most vile of cannibals and mass murderers -- but I seriously doubt that those characters were already right there on the surface for them.

My job as an actor is to be open enough to all of my emotions that I can let the spirit of a character breathe life through them, so that for those few moments it becomes a living and breathing thing instead of words on a piece of paper and so that in those moments, it might affect the audience.

And I failed at that duty last night.

I didn’t meet the “challenge” for the first time all day. I went home, beating myself up in the car, incredibly jaded and disappointed in myself.

The next morning (this morning), I awakened at 5:00 am again for my usual studies and chose one of the 72 Names of God to meditate upon, scanning the Hebrew letters. The one I chose for today means No Fear. I opened up “The 72 Names of God: Technology for the Soul - Meditation Book,” and the opening lines of the meditation for this particular sequence of letters was: “I have been frozen and become enslaved by [enter your fears here].”

And I paused and asked myself, what have I been frozen by? How did I become enslaved in that moment yesterday? And as I was scanning the letters, the truth hit me like a rush of light. I picked up my notebook and began scribbling messages down as fast as they were popping into my head: I have been frozen and become enslaved by… the desire to be perfectly amazing at everything I do, all of the time. As well, as my own disappointment in myself when this is not achieved! But this is not growth. Falling on your ass, failing, has to be the best part IF you know you’re going to grow from it. Last night, I could’ve done another perfectly amazing scene with Bobbie calling me a comic genius, but what good would that have done me? How would I have grown from that? Remember what the day was supposed to be about? How much I am “challenging” myself!

Even when we make mistakes, when we fail, even those moments are divine and full of inspiration and light. If we subscribe to the theory that there is a reason for everything, we must always remember that there is light to be found hiding in the darkest of corners. The “challenge” of these corners, of these moments, sometimes is not to be perfect, but to fail, learn the lesson and move on. To be able to say, “It’s for the good. I’ll deal with the details, I’ll learn the lesson. But I know that The Creator, The Light, God, Positive Energy, whatever you want to call it -- is in the business.” It is when you harp on yourself that you fall into the darkness of that moment instead of lifting yourself out of it with light. Every failure, every rejection that we experience is just a gateway to that darkness. It’s all a test. It’s all a challenge to be able to say, “I will learn the lesson that is meant to be learned from this and grow from it, knowing with absolute certainty that better things are now on the way now because of I am growing.”

You have to learn to crawl before you can walk. You’ve got to lose to know how to win.

And just as I jotted those words down in my notebook, I hear the new Madonna album I was playing in the background and she sings: “If it’s bitter at the start, then it’s sweeter in the end.”

It was a beautiful moment and an awesome revelation.

So please, when you’re in a state like I was last night, don’t fall into the darkness. Looking back, I see I should’ve been overwhelmed with joy and light, knowing that I was entering a new level in my acting studies! That’s so exciting! It’s been so long since that has happened! That’s an amazing gift and in order to get to that understanding of the new work I have to do, I had to fall on my ass.

This can relate to so many levels of my life though, not just acting.

I need to embrace all of my imperfections more and accept that they are the things that I can learn from and ultimately, from them, I will grow.

P.S.: I find it fascinating that all of this came to me while meditating on the Hebrew letters. Kabbalists believe that since it was the original alphabet and language of the Bible, there is a great deal of energy in them, even if you don’t understand what you are reading. My boyfriend bought me the entire Zohar for Christmas and supposedly, when you scan the Hebrew letters and read the English translation, you create a shield so that no negative forces can possibly touch you during the moment that you’re scanning them. Honestly, I was still kind of skeptical on the whole thing until today. The fact that this revelation came to me at a moment when I was meditating on the letters makes perfect sense now in accordance with what they say. It’s like when I was scanning, something washed away the dirt and grime on the window pane and I was able to see through it with complete clarity. I was able to see the truth of what had happened yesterday instead of the illusion.

L,
J.


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