
I recently found a tape of a psychic reading someone did for me back in 1999.
I remember thinking at the time, "This really has absolutely nothing do to with what I'm going through. This woman is a quack."
And that may have been true, but as we know there are no coincidences, and for whatever reason I kept that tape, only to find it as of last week to be appropriate to absolutely every facet of my life. The things that came out of her mouth were things I had written in my
"Diary" and on
KabbalahCurious.com just days before!
It's ironic that I would be going through this during the holiday of Easter, but what it has come down to for me lately is
how to make my faith greater than my fear. My confidence has always been based in anything other than my true self. When I was a teenager, I created this fantasy world and pretended to be someone else, someone who had that confidence. As I got older, I found ways of at least putting it somewhere in my own skin, even if only in the physical form. I have put my sense of value, worth and self-esteem in everything from money to power to my hair to my dick size -- all of which are things that come and go, wither or fade away. I have unconsciously sought out relationships that I thought would be "sure bets" because I am petrified of rejection. I didn't believe anyone would really want to be with me unless they... were diseased, were high maintenance, were my best friend, etc. I found situations where I felt certain the other person would never leave me and only then could I truly open myself up to them and allow myself to fall. This might shed some light on that line in my poetry I posted last week that says, "All his eggs in his inches. Needs a map to get him there, sniffing out that one sure thing." This has been my M.O. I am even a big fish in a small pond when it comes to my career, knowing that staying here is another "sure bet" despite the fact that it is not my ultimate dream and what I feel I was put on this Earth to do -- or at the very least what I came to Los Angeles to do.
On the tape, I kept talking about wanting to be "evolved." Not enlightened, but evolved -- which is interesting because I don't think I even realized there was a difference at the time. The psychic asked me what I felt evolved was. I gave her my answer and she said to me, "
You know what evolved is to me? Self-love. When you love yourself and put your confidence in who you are instead of what you do or what you look like, that is a state of evolved being because it is so difficult for so many to do.
What traits and characteristics do you have that you will take with you to your death bed? What do you love about you that will never change? These are the things to love in yourself because they are also the reasons you would want someone to fall in love with you. You can do all the yoga and all the Kabbalah classes all the good deeds in the world, but it doesn't mean you'll love yourself. You'd just be putting your confidence in the fact that you do those things and then what happens when you stop?"
She makes a good point. There is no one 'thing' any of us can do to reach this state of "evolved" being because it is a process. We can only ask that we love ourselves (our true selves, what is inside) and treat ourselves better than we did the day before.
So I am suggesting this Easter Sunday, for those of us who so often put our sense of worth into their physicality, to make a list of 10 things you love about yourself that will never fade away. Put it somewhere you can look at it every morning for the next few weeks and see if the way you feel about yourself and carry yourself changes.
These are the things that make up who you are as a person and will never be taken away from you. They are the reasons we should be confident in ourselves as opposed to having a good hair day.
Some examples would be: Honest, Loyal, Spiritual, Ambitious, Creative, Sharing, Funny, Perseverent, Devoted and Talented. Oh and Sexy can be one too. That's something that comes from within that you'll never lose, even with age. ;-)
If you can find more than ten, go for it. But ten is a good start. Feel free to comment here and leave your personal top ten. Love it enough to put it out there for all the world to see!
Happy Easter!
JASON'S OTHER SITES:JasonCurious.com JasonSechrest.comDV8Entertainment.comRELATED SITES:Kabbalah.com72.com - Technology for the SoulThe Zohar - Weekly StudiesWeekly Kabbalah WisdomWeekly Kabbalah AstrologyExclusively Kabbalah GroupThe LogosNew World AstrologyKabbalah 4 AllSpiritualityforKids.comHave questions? Need advice? Want to share? EMAIL Jason at jason@jasonsechrest.com