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Monday, July 31, 2006

My Chat with Lugh


Spoke with the Celtic Sun God, Lugh last night to celebrate Lughnasada. I burned some things within myself I wanted to be rid of with this current rebirth and fed into the fire the oat and the berries. One unique thing I did was set up tea light candles in the shape of the tree of light, one for each of the ten Sephirot. Then when the Goddess and God were invoked, I replaced the sixth setting in the tree with the God candle, as it is where Lugh resides. I meditated on this and he sent me a few messages. The more I write, the more I lose myself in the moment and flow with the pen what I hear in my hear in my head, so here's what I wrote down as Lugh's personal messages for me. Hope all of your rebirths are going, um... swimmingly!

On the Harvest: You have to ask yourself why I worked so hard. I didn't need for money. I was a goldsmith. I had all that I needed to live beyond comfortably. I worked so many jobs and so many labors and skills because I was on the search for that ever elusive TRUE gold -- the heart -- and I found it through my work. The idea is to use your heart in everything that you do, even when the job is mundane. Put yourself and your soul into it. There you'll find the real gold and that gold will manifest itself into physical form for monetary purposes. You must do your work with dedication and you shall reap your gold. I will help you with this in the meantime, don't worry. But if you want the full treasures, you must do all that you do with heart.

On the Rebirth: You need to embrace your inner child. He's screaming. That's what all this has been about, dear. Mom coming to town. You seeing your father. Going back to your home town. We really couldn't be more clear. This is your return to innocence, this rebirth. Welcome that energy and nurture the child within instead of always playing the role of the scolding parent. Run, play, be free. This Leo: "She runs like a fire does." Don't feel the need to know everything. You don't. Allow yourself to be vulnerable. You are. Don't be a control freak. You're never completely in control.

On the Fire: This is the fire of Leo and you will full on dance with the flames, but never forget that you started as a small, steady, single flame or even just a twinkling spark. I am the Sun God and you were born of me, especially you, Son of the November Flames. Sitting there aflame in your red and orange. We're both Irish too, don't forget that. Don't forget me, Son. Don't forget where you come from, that the fire is within you always, from that steady spark of your soul to your fiery flames here on Earth. Don't forget what you're born of. "We're so hot. ...So hot."

On the Tarot: All Pages and all sixes. Dive into life like the pages, reborn and ready to take on the world! You have much to look forward to. In love, dreams solidify now. No longer the illusions of the past, there is truth now. The past leads to the future here, but with a new aim, more solidified this time. In money, I'm going to take care of everything. You're welcome. I'm also going to grace you with a major accomplishment before the Fall, but it will be one where there is still much work to be done. Dive in and make us proud! Keep up with your spiritual studies too. That understanding of the bigger picture is what will keep you on a more peaceful passage out of the past.


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JasonCurious.com
JasonSechrest.com
DV8Entertainment.com


RELATED SITES:
Kabbalah.com
72.com - Technology for the Soul
The Zohar - Weekly Studies
Weekly Kabbalah Wisdom
Weekly Kabbalah Astrology
Exclusively Kabbalah Group
The Logos
New World Astrology
SpiritualityforKids.com


Have questions? Need advice? Want to share? EMAIL Jason at jason@jasonsechrest.com

Happy Lughnasadh!


Today begins the Pagan holiday of Lughnasadh; some mark it as the last day of July while others see it as the first day of August, so I'll be doing my rituals around midnight tonight! As the stars would always have it, this holiday is in direct relation to my last post. Lughnasadh is a great period of rebirth and a time for harvest, planting new seeds to be nurtured throughout the coming year. It's sort of the Wiccan's Thanksgiving! Part of their ritual includes eating wheat or oat, apples or berries, and throwing them into the flames. Weaving God and Goddess dolls of corn is typical as well. And the colors representing the holiday are red and orange. (Notice the photo on the last post too! Strange! I guess I'll wear that shirt today.)

Lugh is the Celtic Sun God (remember the Meryl movie? "Dancing at Lughnasadh"?) and he is the God of enlightenment, knowledge and charging into new expansion and creation full force. Invoking him today and tomorrow is said to be a way of strengthening those qualities within ourselves. (And by that, I don't mean an all out ritual; you can always just acknowledge his existence and talk to him, ask him for a few things.) As the legend has it, Lughnasadh, also known as Lammas, is the celebration of this God's sacrifice, who died and became Lord of the Corn (harvest), so that humanity could live through the long, cold food-less winter. The harvest is a metaphor for our own lives right now. Harvest = Fertility = Birth/Rebirth. Take in all that you can, live every moment to the fullest and soak up the Sun. We'll need it for inevitably colder days ahead.

This holiday is also about getting to work! Harvesting takes time and a lot of effort, so to speak. Lugh was a carpenter, mason, smith, harper, poet, physician and goldsmith, the Lord of every skill -- and you thought you were busy! How many girl scout cookies will you sell today?

Because Lugh is the Celtic Sun God, we can weave Kabbalah into the holiday. Through the Sun connection, the archangel of the day would be Raphael, with his wands of magic and wisdom. The Sephirah associated with Sun Gods is the sixth Sephirah, Tiphareth, pronounced TIFF-uh-reth. Tiphareth lies at the center of the Tree of Life on the Middle Pillar (the column of Equilibrium) and receives the powers of all the other Sephiroth. Because of its position on the tree, it mirrors the purity of the first Sephirah, Crown (where God resides), but on a more manifested level. Gods are created here: Christ, Buddha, etc. That pureness is manifested into being here. And as a wise man once said, "We are all Gods with amnesia." So at Lughnasadh we connect with that God quality that is within ourselves. We connect with our pure essence, what our soul is made of, where we came from. Walk like a God today and treat people accordingly, with kindness and untainted love.

Tiphareth is referred to as the Sephirah of Beauty, which is created by the union of the Sephirot of Mercy and Justice. There's something to meditate on today: "Beauty is the union of mercy and justice." I'll have to think about what that means to me. What does it mean to you? Leave a comment!


JASON'S OTHER SITES:
JasonCurious.com
JasonSechrest.com
DV8Entertainment.com


RELATED SITES:
Kabbalah.com
72.com - Technology for the Soul
The Zohar - Weekly Studies
Weekly Kabbalah Wisdom
Weekly Kabbalah Astrology
Exclusively Kabbalah Group
The Logos
New World Astrology
SpiritualityforKids.com


Have questions? Need advice? Want to share? EMAIL Jason at jason@jasonsechrest.com

Sunday, July 30, 2006

Never Say Never ...or Forever


Wow, so many lessons learned during the month of Cancer, huh? I don't know about you, but the past 5 weeks for me have just been emotional wreckage. The Mercury Retrograde didn't help either! I broke up with my boyfriend, moved him out of my apartment, had to refurnish the holes that was left here, saw my father for the first time in over three years, visited my home town on my own terms for the first time and had my mother come stay with me in Los Angeles for a week.

I feel as though I have been pregnant and have finally given birth to this new version of myself that is still growing every day with my soul's nuturing. It's interesting that we are approaching the ancient Pagan holiday of Lughnasdah, which has a lot to do with rebirth. I had to go under water (Cancer is a water sign) for the past five weeks, really dive into the depths and find these parts of me. I held my breath for as long as I ever have and came up and onto shore baptised and ready for the warmth of the fire that Leo now has to offer us.

Through having to come to terms with the concept that Mikey might not be the person I spend the rest of my life with, I learned that words like "never" and "forever" are illusions. Truth is never that extreme, it's always in the in between. It's always about finding the gray area, isn't it? I think it's important to remember, as we go through our own personal rebirths, that it is always possible to slip back into old patterns. So many times, we want to change so much that we tell ourselves, "That was the OLD me! I'm not like that anymore. I could never be that person and never do those things again!" Well, that's ridiculous, of course we could. We always have darkness and light residing within us at once and the idea is to make them come together in such a way that a beautiful shade of gray is created. But to ignore that darkness, to say you will never go back, only makes it stronger. If you're just running from something, that doesn't mean it's no longer there. You have to confront it. Realize t's always there and make the conscious decision on a "one minute at a time" basis to illuminate your own God-like light into that darkness so that you can learn from it and grow from it. After all, it is there for a reason.

If you're going through a transformation into a new version of you right now, as many of us are, remember that when it comes to rebirth, you're always popping out twins.


JASON'S OTHER SITES:
JasonCurious.com
JasonSechrest.com
DV8Entertainment.com


RELATED SITES:
Kabbalah.com
72.com - Technology for the Soul
The Zohar - Weekly Studies
Weekly Kabbalah Wisdom
Weekly Kabbalah Astrology
Exclusively Kabbalah Group
The Logos
New World Astrology
SpiritualityforKids.com


Have questions? Need advice? Want to share? EMAIL Jason at jason@jasonsechrest.com

Tuesday, July 04, 2006

Unconditional Love: My Dad

Constant readers know my father, Dale Sechrest, is a locally acclaimed folk musician from Columbus, Indiana, the town where I was born and raised until 13 years old. Once the best of friends, our relationship has been strained lately due to our polar opposite lifestyles: I'm gay and work in hardcore pornography, he's hardcore Christian and works with evangelists.

When I told my father I was bi years ago, he didn't freak out by any means but just got very quiet and told me that it would take a while for him to process the information and deal with it in his own way. About a month later, his fourth wife died, leaving him with a newborn baby, my only sibling. He was so devastated, I think he had managed to completely forget what I had told him about my sexuality. A couple of years later, I mentioned it to him and he went silent on me for the rest of my Christmas visit. When I returned home, he told me he had honestly blocked it out until I reminded him and that he was worried about me getting into heaven if I didn't accept Jesus Christ as my Lord and savior. At the same time, he talked the Christian talk of, "None of us are righteous and none of us should boast." Total contradiction and hypocritical in my book. I told him that was a holier than thou attitude no matter how you slice that Wonder Bread, and to say that there's only one route to the Divine. That's not unity, that's separation. That's not love, that's hate. We've gone back and forth on this for a while now and never seem to get anywhere other than, "Well, I love you," at the end of the conversation.

The most heart-wrenching thing for me in all of this has been the loss of the one person who I thought accepted me as I was and that's something I had to get over a while ago. When I was growing up, I didn't feel I could be myself at home with my mom and step-father because I was constantly walking on egg shells around the abusive, alcoholic ex-marine and at school, I was constantly ridiculed for being different, so the only time I could really let go and be myself was with my father who seemed to love me for me, encouraged my imagination, creativity and would dote on me to the point of giving me anything I ever asked for. He was God-like to me. I worshiped him. We worshiped each other.

I told my dad that if he wanted to see me again, he would have to either come to Los Angeles or pay for me to come to Indiana. My father has never had a lot of money, so I figured if he really cared, he would show it by saving up and buying me a plane ticket to come out there. Three years and a new wife later, that has yet to happen.

So I decided I'm going to be the bigger person here and go see him.

My uncle, his brother, has a web site about the history of the town I grew up in called HistoricColumbusIndiana.org. He has organized the first annual "Columbus! Celebrating Our History Day" on Saturday, July 15th in Donner Park where my father and I used to play on the playground and where he would perform concerts from time to time. Well, of course, my father is performing at the celebration so I decided there's no better time to go. I feel closer to my father's soul when I hear his music (it only recently became "worship" music) so to see him for the first time in three years at a performance sounded perfect to me. I booked the flight, the rental car, hotel room. I was set and decided I would make this a surprise and not tell him, namely because I didn't want him to get stressed out.

Well, yesterday, I was visiting my father's web site when I noticed a link in the upper left hand corner of the page. The link takes you to an evangelist's web site who has the audacity to put up things like: Do you want to get into Heaven? Click here now! I swear, I thought I was going to vomit. It went on to claim to know word for word what you need to say aloud to get into heaven and had the most ridiculous interpretations of scripture I've read in sometime, namely due to poor translation of original text and an overall lack of looking beneath the surface.

I became so enraged. I wanted to cry. I thought, how can I do this? I can't go see him like this. I just can't!
And then I remembered the blog entry I'd written at KabbalahCurious.com yesterday that was all about how this month is going to test us on giving unconditional love to those we've commited ourselves to without expecting anything in return, on accepting people's flaws and differences, on being tolerant and on recognizing that we are not the things we do but something deeper, more profound where our true essence is always God-like and healthy. I reached in and connected to that essence within me and asked God what to do and He answered, "Approach him with unconditional love."

So I called up poppa. He asked what I'd been up to and I said, "Loving you." He seemed taken aback a bit and I explained, "Look, I know we have our differences but there are certain people in this world who you commit yourself to loving unconditionally and man, you're sure one of those people for me. I really do love you." And the entire time, I was keeping in mind: I don't need him to return this gesture. I don't need his approval. I don't need his light on. I can only control what I'm giving him and what he chooses to do with it is none of my business. When the pitcher lets the baseball leave his hand, it is literally no longer in his hands.

In case you're wondering though, he said, "I love you too. That's very nice of you."

We talked for a while and he told me that he's been having throat problems lately and it hurts to sing. The doctor thinks there might be nodes on his vocal chords and he may have to cancel all of his upcoming gigs.

WHAT?!?!

Ok, so I had to tell him. I was like, "Look, you need to let me know if you're going to be performing in Donner Park on July 15th because I have tickets to come see you."

He seemed totally baffled and asked why I would spend so much money to come see him perform. "Dad," I said, "I would spend as much as I spent on Barbra Streisand tickets to come see you perform. And it's Columbus History Day! I wanted to come back to my roots and revisit my own history and support you and support my uncle in this great event that you're putting together."

Again. "Well, that's very nice of you."

LOL -- Dad isn't much on emotion these days! He's become very quiet as the years have continued. Which is weird, because he used to be just like me, bouncing off the walls with energy! Mental note: Don't get old, Jason.

So, off I go to Indiana next week to see daddy-o, regardless of whether he'll be performing or not! Oh and two days after I return home, my mom comes in town for a week. Yeh, it's the month of the parents. This is going to be a real test, ya know? Learning to approach these people without judgment.

The thing is, it all comes full circle. Because I know if I can do this, I can do anything. I can be Mikey's friend again.

P.S.: One of my favorite songs of his, "My Love," is on my Summer Playlist on my MySpace page at: http://www.myspace.com/jasonsechrest -- check it out!



JASON'S OTHER SITES:
JasonCurious.com
JasonSechrest.com
DV8Entertainment.com


RELATED SITES:
Kabbalah.com
72.com - Technology for the Soul
The Zohar - Weekly Studies
Weekly Kabbalah Wisdom
Weekly Kabbalah Astrology
Exclusively Kabbalah Group
The Logos
New World Astrology
SpiritualityforKids.com


Have questions? Need advice? Want to share? EMAIL Jason at jason@jasonsechrest.com

Monday, July 03, 2006

In The Real Heat of July


We have now entered July, the period of Cancer, or in Kabbalah, the month of Tammuz. There's a quote that begins every month on my Kabbalah wall calendar and this month's quote is certainly one to keep in mind with the energy out there these days: "When we become like God, we dismiss thoughts that cause depression. With a wave of our hand, we live with a grander purpose and become the cause of all our experiences." Mmm... just like magic!


Emotions Run High

According to Kabbalistic wisdom, the month of July and the period of Cancer/Tammuz is the most emotional we will experience all year. The symbol for Cancer is the crab, who hides inside of its shell. Many Cancerians do this with their emotions because they feel them so strongly. They are prone to mood swings, self-pity and sentimentality. We will be exposed to all of these Cancerian emotions this month. The question is: How do we deal with the emotions? The answer lies in the question. We "deal" with them instead of running from them or letting them overpower us.

We are always dealing with and controlling our emotions. Of course! If we weren't, we would simply do whatever makes us feel good all of the time and lead a very selfish existence. The trick lies in using your emotions to elevate you instead of bring you down. Personally, I feel sadness these days because I broke up with my boyfriend and more importantly a long-term friend. So, how do I use the sadness? Do I sit on the couch and eat potato chips and cry all day? (Which, trust! Is sometimes needed! There can be no light without the darkness first, never forget.) Or do I use that sadness to write a song or apply it to some form of creativity? Do I use the sadness to call a friend and be for them what I wish someone would be for me right now? Do I use it to fuel me and throw myself into my work that still must be done? There are lots of positive ways of dealing with seemingly negative emotions because, as we know, within all darkness lies the hidden light. So this month, we want to ask ourselves: Am I using what I'm feeling right now to help me or to hurt me?


Unconditional Love

Love is the strongest of emotions and according to the Zohar, the energy surrounding this month is of that regarding unconditional love. If our love for humanity is not constantly growing towards the unconditional, we are not growing in our connection to the Light and the Creator. One way we all work to achieve this is through "commitment." When we are commited to an individual, be it a friend or a loved one or a family member, we make a vow to low them unconditionally despite the fact that they are human beings. ;-)

The Rav's wife, Karen Berg, over at the Centre, says, "The opposite of love is intolerance." To truly commit yourself to someone, you must be tolerant of their flaws. Instead of saying, "What has this person done for me lately?" or "Why is this person not giving me what I want?," in comittment we must shrug it off and say, "Oh well, I still love you." But how? Kabbalistic astrology says we will be tested with this very issue this month. How can we love someone unconditionally when they consistently throw negative energy our way and when they don't want to change? Here's how.


Our Essence

The one thing to remember here is what we learned last month in Gemini: We all have a light side and a dark side. We are all imbued with Godliness and that is our essence. Our physical form and the actions that we perform are often not spiritual and they are merely layers blocking that true essence -- but it's there! And the answer lies in connecting to that essence of ours so that we can connect to that essence of theirs and maybe, just maybe, it will elevate them. Maybe not. But that is really no business of ours. Being unappreciated is a part of human nature. All we can do to combat it is come at that person with unconditional love. What they do with it should be of no consequence to us. The last thing we want to do is try to get inside someone else's head because that means we are no longer in our own, that we're no longer present, and that is never a good place to be.

This is not to say that having unconditional love for someone means having them in your life at all. Sometimes, in order to remember your love for someone's essence, we have to distance ourselves from their physical nature to feel that love for them. If you feel more love for someone away from them than you do when you're around them, why would you wish that negative energy upon that person's space? Let them go! At least until you can come at them physically with the love you truly hold for them internally. If you can, however, still come at them with unconditional love when you're around them, maybe it is best to keep that person in your life. Then it becomes your test to remember that their negativity can not penetrate your essence and that's a wonderful gift to be recognized, that no matter how much negative energy or sickness is thrown our way, our essence remains pure and healthy. What a gift! Don't waste it! Work that essence! Connect to it!

If you're not dealing with relationship problems, this may pertain to you this month in the form of illness. Remember that sickness is just a result of your physical form. Somewhere within you is your God-like essence, your soul, your purity. That can't get sick. So all it takes to heal is accepting that somewhere within you, you're already healed! All it takes is reaching into that essence, connecting with that Light, with God that is within you which connects you to the all-powerful force of the Light of God outside of you. And with that, friends, anything is possible. Even love of humans. ;-)


Inner Strength

This is a big month for recognizing that in that essence, we hold so much power and inner strength. It's a big month for letting go of needing other's approval and acceptance because we have our own. Personally, I am always surprised that people don't give me the love, the respect, the trust that I give them. It always comes as a great shock to me and I am always excruciatingly disappointed. What I need to recognize is that this behavior and mindset completely negates all of the love, respect and trust that I gave that person. Kabbalah teaches us that the only love that counts spiritually is selfless love. When you give of yourself expecting something in return, you are screwed! You have to trust in the universe, you have to trust in karma, you have to trust in your essence within yourself that you are all that you need. You've got the light of the Creator within you at all times no matter what, so what more could you possibly need from anyone else?! That is inner strength.

It's also just another form of judgment really, to sit back and say, "Hmm... look at all I gave this person and look at what they're not giving me." Now, are they prohibiting your personal spiritual development? Are they affecting your ability to love? Then get them the hell out! But if they are simply a heavily flawed human being, it is not our job to judge them. We do this in the reverse action all the time too, looking at people who help us even and saying, "Yes, they helped me here and elevated me at one time, but look at how negative they are in this other aspect." Not our job. Not our business. Not our path.

Another side of feeling our inner strength this month is that we often associate our strength with our ego. Those two are not healthy friends! They have a hot night out on the town together, but Ego always comes out of it without the hangover. We often need praise, acceptance, approval to feel good about ourselves. That's ego. It's always gonna be there. Don't tell yourself it's not because that just makes it stronger. We all do need to feel praise and acceptance and approval and all of those things. But the idea is to feel them from within. Feel them when you're being good, when you're being bad, feel them because you're you, because your essence is always there. Not because someone gives you a compliment. Not because someone cuts you down. We've got to remember our essence this month and our purity and Godliness and love ourselves unconditionally before we can love anyone else unconditionally.




JASON'S OTHER SITES:
JasonCurious.com
JasonSechrest.com
DV8Entertainment.com


RELATED SITES:
Kabbalah.com
72.com - Technology for the Soul
The Zohar - Weekly Studies
Weekly Kabbalah Wisdom
Weekly Kabbalah Astrology
Exclusively Kabbalah Group
The Logos
New World Astrology
SpiritualityforKids.com


Have questions? Need advice? Want to share? EMAIL Jason at jason@jasonsechrest.com

Roller Coaster: Letting Go


Yesterday I drove down to San Diego with one of my best friends, fellow D-List celebutante Angel Benton, to meet up with Brent Corrigan (pictured here), his boyfriend Grant and their webmaster Jeremy, at the San Diego County Fair. Mikey was moving out of the apartment all day and that was not something I wanted to be here for. In fact, I haven't even laid eyes on him in over a week now!

I love to drive so the three hours in the car listening to music with Angel was very cleansing for me. I turned to him at one point and said, "I haven't had this much time to just sit and think in so long. I feel like I'm pregnant with the new me and I have no idea who the father is."

So after swimming inside of myself for the drive down, the fast rides and deep fried twinkies were exactly what I needed to take me out of that introspection and into fun mode. It was kind of a shock to my system, really. If you're looking to force yourself to have some fun, I highly suggest getting on roller coasters you wouldn't normally get on that you know will scare the shit out of you. You'll scream, you'll cry and eventually you'll laugh and realize, as Liza sings, that the world is still going 'round.

Apparently, the hottest guys on the planet can be found at the San Diego fair too. I mean, every type you could possibly wish for was there in unbelievably stunning beauty. Even Angel was agog at the crowd and told me that the OC and LA county fairs were nothing like this! I wish so bad that I'd brought a camera or at the very least my business cards for recruiting. I decided next year I'm taking a tricked out porn girl with me to get all the straight boys to come jack off for my site.

Speaking of hot boys, Brent and posse showed up later in the day and after only an hour or so at the fair, we were all collectively ready for a real meal. Grant treated us all to the most amazing veal dish at Arrivederci in Hillcrest, accompanied appropriately with Brent's commentary on how the youngest meat is the most succulent. He and Grant really make the cutest couple and seem devoted to making it work between them. They both made me laugh a lot and helped bring me out of my funk even more.

After dinner, Brent and Grant went home, but Angel and I dragged Jeremy to Rich's and danced our asses off until nearly 1 am.

On the way back to Los Angeles, Angel was interested, after having heard everything from soup to nuts on the Mikey debacle, in hearing about my past relationships. Then I started asking about his and it became one long stroll down memory lane for the two of us.

At 4:30 am I arrived home from San Diego. Just pulling into the driveway here I felt the heaviness of what I knew I'd see when I walked through my door -- no trace of him. I had an amazingly fun day in San Diego, but nothing could have prepared me for that.

Today has been interesting. This place desperately needs to be cleaned since the move but I haven't done a thing. I'll be able to tomorrow, but today was just about soaking in the space. It feels just like it did before he moved in here, which is a very differently feeling altogether and brings me back to that "space" of independence and free thinking and the things that come with the single life from perpetual horniess to loneliness, which are both probably the same thing.

So I've done a lot of work on the computer today and have watched a lot of TV. It's been one of those days where everything I see has some sort of message for me. I saw the movie 28 Days with Sandra Bullock on Lifetime, which seems to pop up on my radar every three years and every time I get something new from it. It's such an awesome script. And was perfect for me today.

Sandra Bullock: I know what the worlds perception is of girls who sleep with other girls' boyfriends and who leave their three year old godson in the back seat of their car for too long and --

Viggo Mortenson: Those are just things that you've done. They're not who you are. Who you are is just fine.

This made me think a lot of Mikey. I suppose it's true. But there's a fine line though. Because even though we are not the mistakes that we have made, we have still made them and they have affected other people. Doesn't mean we're a bad person, but it also doesn't mean that the people we cut don't bleed, need bandages and time to heal.

"When you're throwing a pitch, if you start focusing on the tiny place where the ball is supposed to go then it seems impossible and you have psyched yourself out. As a pitcher, what you have to realize is that what happens after you release the ball is out of your control. So you focus on the things you can control. You can control your stance. You can control your eye contact. You can control what youre thinking. Where the ball goes after you release it is... well, literally, it's not in your hands." - Viggo Mortenson

I am such a control freak. I have always known how afraid I am of being out of my own control, which is ridiculous because technically we're all out of our own control all the time, but I never really realized how awful this was for me until I started taking improv classes at The Groundlings. So much of what we do there has to do with trust and giving up control and not premeditating anything, all of which is extremely difficult for me. This quote was an interesting way of putting things into perspective. I guess I've always kind of thought that giving up control meant being helpless. But, as is in everything, the truth lies in the gray, in that "inbetween" area. You control what you can. You surrender to what you can't. And as they say in AA, you pray for the wisdom to know the difference.

I was also watching a clip on YouTube today of Tori Amos on TRL a few years back, discussing the video for "Spark." She says:

"This car crash saved her life so the idea is that some things are really horrible for one person, but they are life saving for another. Then she starts to find a will in herself to strive, to stay alive and she starts believing in her ability to get through. I think the main thing is, here she is, blindfolded and with her hands tied behind her back, but she's finding her way, having to trust her instincts. You don't know where you're going to go from one minute to the next. Life is that precious. People forget, we don't know where we're going to be an hour from now and we don't appreciate that. And what I love is that from one second to the nex,t she doesn't know how she's going to get through, but she's coming through for herself."

Wow, this one hit me like a ton of bricks! I have felt so vulnerable lately because for the first time I really realize that we DON'T have any idea where we're going to be an hour from now! We are so accostomed to saying words like "never" and "always" and "forever" and "till death do us part" and we believe those things are real, but they are such illusions. We don't have control. Our hands truly are behind our back and hell, most of us may as well be blindfolded the way we live our lives half the time. And this dawning for me has been really very frightening. It's turned me nearly phobic in the past week, thinking while walking up stairs that they could fall out from underneath me and I could fall to my death. Because if this thing, this realtionship, that I put so much trust and faith into was not "forever," or at the very least wasn't what I thought it was, then nothing is as it seems and everything could crash and burn at any moment. But instead of fearing that, Tori embraces it because she thinks that makes every second so precious. She sees it as life affirming, not depricating and that's the choice that we all have to make.


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Kabbalah.com
72.com - Technology for the Soul
The Zohar - Weekly Studies
Weekly Kabbalah Wisdom
Weekly Kabbalah Astrology
Exclusively Kabbalah Group
The Logos
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SpiritualityforKids.com


Have questions? Need advice? Want to share? EMAIL Jason at jason@jasonsechrest.com