Hearing Uriel

"He doesn't care if I don't speak his name. He's gonna touch me all the same. But when I listen carefully, I hear from him all I can be. I'm hearing Uriel. Taking me home. Taking me back to that land of Yesod, that place of my passion. We play in the fire and dance with the flames and we make. We make." - Hearing Uriel (Song in progress), Jason Sechrest 4/20/06.

Lately, I've been tapping into the more magical elements of the Kabbalah, performing The Lesser Banishing Ritual of the Pentagram on a daily basis as described in Israel Regardie's book, "The Middle Pillar: The Balance Between Mind and Magic." Magic in general denotes both change and creation, which, as an artist and performer, is something I'm always fascinated by. Rituals like these promote the idea of changing ourselves, cleaning out our system so to speak, so that we may be purified to receive the ultimate connection to the divine in our every day lives. As Regardie says, "It sets a pattern for self-growth which has a powerful influence on the subconscious mind."

The Lesser Banishing Ritual of the Pentagram, in conjunction with performing The Qabalistic Cross, is said to cast a circle of protection, invoking the four archangels most mentioned in Hebrew and Kabbalah -- Raphael, Gabriel, Michael and Uriel -- who then walk with you, elevating your consciousness. They also make the most kick ass watch dogs, I must say.

I think they work as a team, really. Raphael before you with his wand of knowledge, Gabriel behind you with his cup of love, Michael on your right hand with his sword of strength and Uriel on your left with his wheat of... with his wheat of... with his wheat of what? Nourishment?

I joked with my boyfriend the other day as I was explaining to him who each of these archangels were and what they stood for, "Uriel holds stems of ripened wheat and I'm not sure what he's all about yet. I mean, is that nourishment? Because wheat doesn't nourish me. Wheat bloats me and I try to stay away from it. So, I'm not sure what good Uri is going to do me over there, but I'm sure we'll find something together."

I feel these boys with me everywhere I go these days. Sometimes I see them. (Yes, I've literally gone out of my head and it feels fantastic to get out of it for a while!) I had yet to hear any of them though until the other night. Heck, I didn't even know I could hear them!

I was studying the Sefer Yetzirah on the name "The Living God," which is represented by the Yesod (Foundation). What struck me was that this name is associated with creative forces and in the human body parallels the sexual organ. So Uriel steps in and starts whispering that the term "creative forces" in relation to the sexual organs is not just to be applied to reproduction itself, but to artistry as well. Creative and Creation come from the same root word, thus they come from the same "place" spiritually speaking, the same idea, the same chakra. When we want to "create" another life force in this world, we use our sex organs and have a baby. Well what Uri is whispering is that when an artists wants to "create" a life force through their art and creativity, they must also come at it from their sex organs. Tori Amos gets this. She calls it her "center," her "place of passion" and she leads with it when in creative mode. So this sheds a whole new light on artists who use metaphors like "getting naked" for their audience. You're more than getting naked! Depending on the piece, you're either letting your audience invade you and letting them "inside" of you, or you're penetrating them and planting your seed.

I wasn't sure who it was telling me all of this at first. When racing into the bedroom to describe it to my boyfriend before turning in, I said, "The God of Creativity came to me," half-joking even. It stayed with me though and when I awakened, I did some research online. As it turns out, Uriel is the God of creativity! Which suddenly made total sense to me because the whisper came in my left ear and when I invoke the archangels, Uriel is always on my left. Why hadn't I thought of that before?

I had to sort of laugh at myself and them. I mean, of all four of them, the one who chooses to start speaking to me first is the one who I had no idea what in the hell to do with! I started thinking though, if this is the God of Creativity, heck I've been a creative force since as far back as I can remember. I haven't always been thinking or using my heart or my sword, but I have always been creative. I think Uriel has been with me all this time, guiding me, leading me. We have a lot in common he and I. We're both led by fire, for I'm a Sagitarrius and he is known as "The Fire of God" or "Divine Fire." So he's in me always.

More research found that the feast day of the archangel Uriel is celebrated July 28. Uriel's influence is believed to peak during the Summer months. (Remember my psychic outlook on my Spring and what it leads into for Summer?) I also found that Uriel is the least known or written about of the archangels and that his vibration is one that very few humans tap into. What is known is that he is the archangel who spoke to many of those who penned original Biblical texts and he is responsible, according to them, for bringing alchemy, the heavenly arcana and the Kabbalah itself to Earth. He is associated with the planet Venus, symbolizing love.

It's been very nice to meet him.



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Kabbalah.com
72.com - Technology for the Soul
The Zohar - Weekly Studies
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The Logos
SpiritualityforKids.com


Have questions? Need advice? Want to share? EMAIL Jason at jason@jasonsechrest.com

A Most Profound Passover & Easter

Happiness is... happiness.

It has been a hard couple of weeks for myself and my boyfriend, Mikey. I think we have both been experiencing what I am referring to as "the one-year itch," because you know, in gay years, that's equal to seven. There has been a real "disconnection" for the past month between us. I don't know if it's common in relationships, but I know that because we were best friends for five years before falling in love with each other, we have a tendency to slip back into the behavior of competitiveness when that disconnection occurs. If one of us is putting up a wall, the other one puts up a wall. It becomes a real one upmanship.

We were debating a bunch of surface issues for weeks until the shit really hit the fan this weekend, at which point I believe we both came to the conclusion that the surface issues were all stemming from one big one. In the beginning of our relationship, especially when we moved in with each other, we both agreed that one of the biggest elements of making a relationship work is putting the other person before yourself always. This happens to be one of the largest elements of the Kabbalah as well. As soon as we stopped doing that, everything seemed to deteriorate.

One of the great things about being in love and having a life partner is sacrificing your own wants and desires for the other person, which is so much easier when you know they will do the same for you always.

Sacrifice. For a greater purpose. How interesting that we would come to this conclusion on Easter/Passover, the period of sacrifice for greater purpose and ultimately, a rebirth. I am beginning to think one of the keys to astrology and knowing what will happen on specific days is simply by seeking our patterns that have happened during that period throughout history.

We both have our own personal demons to face and that's an extension of it all. It's scary to face those demons instead of run from them and that in and of itself is a sacrifice for the other person.

My problem is in never being satisfied, always wanting more, thinking that enough is never enough. This is an awful quality to have in a relationship, as you can imagine. And I'm not one for just turning away from temptation. That is not an answer to me because there will always be more of it rearing its oh so attractive head. No, I am about ridding myself of the desire altogether and that means getting to the root. I've been doing a lot of that lately, going way back in my childhood to see where this originally stemmed from and there's a lot to be said for having parents divorce at a young age, having a parent who overcompensates by giving you every little thing you scream and cry for.

And sure, that's the root, but even more than that, I'm looking for the solution. I mean, if I have to blame my parents for one more thing, I think I'm going to break a dinner plate and slit my ankles like Mariah before me. So my best friend and webmistress Susie said the most insightful thing to me this week and it has stuck with my every day since. She said, "You know what your problem is, Jason? Sometimes the hardest thing in the world is to just allow yourself to be happy."

Now, at first thought, you may think, "Well that's silly. We all want to be happy!" But do we? Some of us have more problems with it than others. Some of us, many of us actually, have grown so accustomed to having happiness taken away from us that we unconsciously block ourselves from truly expressing it or being consumed by that emotion. We're always waiting for the other shoe to drop. We're so scared of allowing ourselves to truly feel happy because we're so afraid of the feeling being taken away... which, inevitably, it more often than not is. Let's face it, it's the laws of gravity. What goes up, must come down.

But I had the most profound dreams the other night and according to the Kabbalah, sleep is where we are at our most enlightened consciousness because it is without distraction of the physical world. Kabbalists believe that when you remember your dreams, there is a message in them to be deciphered, usually in the form of a metaphor. Two nights in a row I dreamt of having this amazing gift, this jewel, a stone that was so precious and the most powerful in the world. In both dreams, I was being hunted for this treasure by some of the most intelligent spies in the world and had to flee to become a wanderer so that the hunters could not find me. Any connection of any kind could have led to my undoing. I didn't want them to find out where I was so I couldn't ever settle down in one place for too long. I couldn't make any friends. I couldn't give anyone my name. I couldn't connect to any other person too deeply. Years went by and I always managed to escape the hunters just in time, but I was so miserable. I contemplated suicide every day of my life. Eventually, one day, I looked at that jewel, that precious stone, and I realized, saying aloud, "What is the point in having this, in carrying this preciousness with me, if I am never going to use it? What is the point if I can never share it with anyone or even just turn it in for cash?!" I realized in that moment, I would someday die with this preciousness, this great and all powerful jewel, still in my possession with the evil hunters having never stolen it from me -- but I would have never used it so what's the point?

I awakened and immediately wrote it all down so I wouldn't forget. Then I started really analyzing it and saw that it equates to what I'm learning about allowing myself to feel happiness. My jewel is myself -- my happiness, my talent, my everything -- and I can keep all of those things to myself so that I don't get hurt. I can lock them all away out of fear of experiencing disappointment and sadness. But then I will have never experienced the totality of what I can share with those gifts and what I can achieve and the bliss they can truly bring to my life.

Here's hoping your holidays were filled with such bliss. Here's to rebirth, new beginnings and the start of Spring.



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JasonCurious.com
JasonSechrest.com
DV8Entertainment.com


RELATED SITES:
Kabbalah.com
72.com - Technology for the Soul
The Zohar - Weekly Studies
Weekly Kabbalah Wisdom
Weekly Kabbalah Astrology
Exclusively Kabbalah Group
The Logos
SpiritualityforKids.com


Have questions? Need advice? Want to share? EMAIL Jason at jason@jasonsechrest.com

Dance Like Nobody's Watching

"I want to turn the world into one big dance floor!" proclaims Madonna of her new Confessions World Tour 2006. I bought my tickets, have you bought yours? ;-)

There are three different forms of meditation that Kabbalists have used over the centuries, all with the intention to ascend to the transcendental, spiritual realm of Ayin, which literally translates to "Nothingness." This is where all perception, and in some cases even imagery, ceases to exist. Meditation is a key element of Kabbalah because it gets us out of focusing on the physical world and the more we are able to do so, the more we can connect to a higher power, not just in meditation, but in every day life.

The roots of the Hebrew word for meditation (Hitbodedut) actually mean "to be secluded." So literally, Kabbalah comes at meditation from a perspective of self-isolation. Ancient Kabbalists believed that one must seclude themselves in their thoughts to the ultimate degree and in doing so would separate the soul from the physical body to such a point that they no longer felt any relationship to their body, their mere shell. And this, as we are told, is one of the keys to enlightenment. One of the great Kabbalists, Rabbi Chaim Vital, once wrote, "The more one separates himself from the physical, the greater will be enlightenment." Separating ourselves from the physical is what we strive for in our Kabbalistic studied always, be it in meditation or elsewhere. Meditation is an amazing tool in that it retrains our mind to begin thinking that way, to connect to another energy, to think outside the box of what you see in the physical world.

There are three types of meditation that can be broken down into meditation of intellect, emotion and body.

STRUCTURED MEDITATION (Externally-Directed/Intellect)
- Focusing on the repetition of a mantra or divine name.
- Focusing on a contemplative device, ie. crystal ball, tetragrammaton
- Visualizing divine name combinations, ie. 72 Names of God

SPONTANEOUS MEDITATION (Internally-Directed/Emotion)
- Spontaneous prayer, emotional outbursts of words of worship.
- Meditation on thoughts, feelings or mental images that spring to mind.

STILLNESS MEDITATION (Non-Directed/Body)
- Withdrawal from all physical perception, both internal and external.
- Absolute stillness of the mind, but not the body, which moves on pure instinct in a transcendental dance.

The last of these, Stillness/Non-Directed/Body, is said to be the most powerful and most difficult of the three meditations. Interestingly enough, dating back to ancient times, dancing is said to be one of the greatest methods for attaining this level of pure ecstasy and enlightenment in this particular form of meditation.

This got me to thinking: When I was younger, I would go to a club by myself, get on a dance floor, sometimes a stage or a platform, and just lose myself. I would dance for what seemed like only ten minutes, eventually pulling myself out of the trance to realize I'd been there for three or four hours and it was time to go home. I used to dance like nobody was watching and it was literally an out of body experience where I let go of my body, let go of the physical and just moved to the music. As we get older, we tend to stop dancing like this, both literally and metaphorically speaking. We begin to focus more on other people's reactions to us; we put ourselves in their head instead of being present in our own moment.

It also made me think about Madonna's new album, "Confessions of a Dance Floor." As if the title alone weren't enough, her slogan for the new Confessions Tour has been, "I want to turn the world into one big dance floor!" I think the new album is more rooted in Kabbalistic wisdom than most people are aware. She's just not beating the general public over the head this time around.

And also, isn't that what she's been saying for years, even before she got involved in Kabbalah?

Beauty's where you find it
Not just where you bump and grind it.
Soul is in the musical.
That's why I feel so beautiful, magical...
Life's a ball so get up on the dance floor.

You've got to let your body move to the music.
You've got to just go with the flow.

Sometimes I think Madonna just finally started to take her own advice. Would that we all could do the same and take our own.

JASON'S OTHER SITES:
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JasonSechrest.com
DV8Entertainment.com


RELATED SITES:
Kabbalah.com
72.com - Technology for the Soul
The Zohar - Weekly Studies
Weekly Kabbalah Wisdom
Weekly Kabbalah Astrology
Exclusively Kabbalah Group
The Logos
SpiritualityforKids.com


Have questions? Need advice? Want to share? EMAIL Jason at jason@jasonsechrest.com

Mission Possible: Freedom

There's a cosmic opening in the spiritual universe that begins this Wednesday and lasts through next Thursday, April 20th. The Kabbalists call this Pesach and it works in conjunction with other familiar holidays this week, the Jewish Passover and the Christian Easter. Regardless of your religious affiliation, the powerful energy available on these days is too powerful to pass up. That's just undeniable when you look at historical events that took place during this week throughout many centuries leading right up to this year and our recent revelation of the Gospel of Judas, missing from Biblical scripture and found in Egypt just weeks ago for the first time ever. The energy during the week of Pesach has always been abundant in eliminating darkness by illuminating it with truth.

This week gets us out of our own personal "exile," our own personal darknesses. It allows us to completely abolish anything holding us down, be it something of a physical or spiritual nature. In order to tap into this energy though, we must first ask ourselves: What are those things that hold us back? What do we do to hold ourselves back? What about us do we want to change most? Make a list. I did. It helps narrow your focus and it's good to look at every morning before going out into the world and every evening before going into dreams, which Kabbalah tells us is an elevated level of consciousness.

DARKNESS TO GIVE UP FOR PESACH

1. Being in anyone's head other than mine. This means not being affected by what other people think of me. This means being "present" at all times.

2. Being of a state of mind that "enough is never enough." This means learning to see the glass as half full instead of half empty. Scratch that. This means learning to see the glass as full, even when it's "seemingly" empty, seeing as challenges are gifts.

3. Being hypocritical. This means truly walking into the world with my personal beliefs and with the knowledge I have so that it may become enlightenment.

One of the most key elements of making the most of this week is our own trust and certainty that we can achieve it. Without believing, there is no magic. To the degree that we have certainty that we, with the help of the Creator (also very important to note!), can overcome our personal exile is the degree that we will succeed. There's no power quite like the power of belief, peeps. Trust!

Of course, all of this is for shit if we don't actually desire to rid ourselves of the darkness. It's easy to say, but when it comes to doing it, when it comes to walking with this "wisdom" every second of the day so that it become "enlightenment," we tend to hold tight to our old beliefs, our security blanket of darkness and negativity that makes us feel good. There's nothing quite as numbing as wallowing in our own misery and if numb or "content" is what you want, then by all means, stay there until you're ready. If, however, you are like me, and ready to jump, let's join hands and make a pact to get the job done this week. This means accepting that it will not be an easy week. This means going into the next few days with an understanding that we will experience pain and uncomfortability. And to do so gladly because we're ready to chuck the shackles! When you work out at the gym, folks, you do it until it hurts and then you see the results. This is not a time for a consciousness of limitations. Our abilities are far beyond that which we can even imagine. Whatever we think is "difficult" is the least of what we can actually overcome. I'm talking immortality here. Nothing is impossible this week. And the sooner we believe that, the sooner we can get out of our own personal Egypt.

Your mission, should you decide to accept it this week: Freedom.

Let me know how it goes.


JASON'S OTHER SITES:
JasonCurious.com
JasonSechrest.com
DV8Entertainment.com


RELATED SITES:
Kabbalah.com
72.com - Technology for the Soul
The Zohar - Weekly Studies
Weekly Kabbalah Wisdom
Weekly Kabbalah Astrology
Exclusively Kabbalah Group
The Logos
SpiritualityforKids.com


Have questions? Need advice? Want to share? EMAIL Jason at jason@jasonsechrest.com

Giving Wisdom a Fighting Chance - Part Two

I've been debating, defining and walking with the knowledge I mentioned in the last post and as this is a blog in which I not only give insight into the tools of Kabbalah, but one in which I chronicle my personal journey into it, I felt it necessary to post a follow up on the revelation and how I think I may have jumped the gun.

In the last post, I stated: If one is to truly subscribe to the theory that we are all "one," which I most certainly am making a point to, they have to carry it to its enth degree. It is never about connecting or not connecting, being able to relate or not relate, to a person or concept. It is instead: I am this person. I am this concept. Powerful, don't you think?! To be able to walk down the street and know that you are imbued with everything of everyone from Einstein to Sharon Stone, from Charles Manson to Mother Theresa. Wow! That's something that, if you really walk with it, can change your life forever. I know it changed mine.

Right. So hey, I was definitely onto something here. But speaking of carrying it to the enth degree, there's actually a further "enth" that negates my theory of "unity" altogether.

If we are "one" in the sense that "I am you and you are me" and there is NO individualism, then I am responsible for all of the darkness in this world. And so are you. And suddenly, I am in the land of Catholicism, original sin. This is not a place I care to be. Hrmph.

So defining it further, I would have to say that we are actually individuals, both in physical and spirit, however we are not alone in this and we are made up of the same stuff and have the same capabilities. This is where our "unity" and being "one" comes into play. We all have the same capabilities as Einstein and Manson because we are made up of the same stuff. But we are not them. We haven't walked their unqiue path.

One moderator of the forum described this perfectly. He said each of us are televisions and we all receive the same channels, but they come out differently through our unique lens.

Look, remember the very beginning of the Berg's book "Becoming Like God" where it talks about the rock and the mountain, our being created in God's "image" meaning made up of the same stuff? Well, I think for me personally, the revelation that this rock that fell from the mountain was still made of the same stuff as the mountain was so inspiring to me that I forgot it's also still just a rock and shaped different from any others that fall.

It may seem silly to debate such a small point, but what is it they say about God and details?

I'm concerned with details because I find it very sad that humankind has not accepted that it can choose mastery of one's own life. And I feel like in order to have mastery over it, one needs to truly define what exactly they believe.

You can't sing along very well if you don't know the key in which the music is written.



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JasonCurious.com
JasonSechrest.com
DV8Entertainment.com


RELATED SITES:
Kabbalah.com
72.com - Technology for the Soul
The Zohar - Weekly Studies
Weekly Kabbalah Wisdom
Weekly Kabbalah Astrology
Exclusively Kabbalah Group
SpiritualityforKids.com


Have questions? Need advice? Want to share? EMAIL Jason at jason@jasonsechrest.com

Giving Wisdom a Fighting Chance

Diving more into what I call "hardcore Kabbalah," (the Rabbis find that amusing, considering my chosen profession) which is really just anything outside the realm of the Kabbalah Centre or the Bergs, I cracked open my copy of the "Sefer Yetzirah - The Book of Creation in Theory and Practice" by Aryeh Kaplan the other evening. Some have debated that this book is actually more powerful than the Zohar (highly touted by the Centre), but most all have agreed that it is definitely the oldest (the text itself quoted as early as 6th century) and most mysterious of all Kabbalistic texts.

One thing I learned in the introduction is that Kabbalah is generally divided into three categories: The Theoretical Kabbalah, which deals directly with spirituality via the Zohar; The Meditative Kabbalah, which deals in the use of meditating on divine names, letter sequences and such to reach higher states of consciousness; and The Magical Kabbalah, which through use of the Meditative format, heightens ones senses and abilities in areas such as telepathy and telekenisis. The Sefer Yetzirah is the number one source for both Meditative and Magical Kabbalah.

Hmm... the Sefer Yetzirah just got a whole lot more insteresting than The Kabbalah Centre's new energy drink, didn't it? ;-)

Images of Sissy Spacek at her prom and Luke Skywalker on the ice planet Hoth spring to mind! "Bad, Jason, bad!" I laugh at myself, pushing them out of my foreground.

Upon glancing at the first paragraphs of the first chapter, there's an awful lot of information to take in, though I will say that my mind seems to wrap around it a little more easily than the Zohar. It begins with a lot of numerology. Kabbalists believe there are "32 Paths of Wisdom," thirty-two states of enlightened consciousness and so the Sefer Yetzirah begins with an analysis of the number 32. The first 32 lines of Genesis is the full story of God creating the world and each of those lines is related to one of the 32 states of enlightened consciousness. "God said" also appears ten times and thus, we have what Kabbalists constantly refer to as the Ten Sefirot or the Tree of Life, the ten levels that exist within the soul of a person.

There's so much more. I mean, the six days of creation relating to our physical beings -- our legs, our arms, our torso and our sex organ. The 32 Paths of Wisdom being parallel to our nervous system -- 31 emanating from the spinal cord and the 32nd being the entire complex of cranial nerves, of which there are 12. Actually, that is what stood out to me most here. I will quote from text as follows:

Like the [32] nerves, each of the 32 Paths [of Wisdom] is a two-way street. First, it is the channel through which the Mind exerts control over creation. Secondly, however, it is also the path through which man can reach the Mind. If an individual wishes to attain a mystical experience and approach the Mind, he must travel along the 32 path.

In Hebrew, the number 32 is written Lamed Bet. This spells Lev, the Hebrew word for: heart. It is in the heart that the action of the Mind is manifest in the body. As soon as the influence of the mind ceases, the heart ceases to function, this being the definition of death.

The heart also provides lifeforce to the brain and nervous system. When the heart stops pumping, the nervous system can no longer function and the mind no longer exerts influence on the body. The heart therefore serves as a link between mind and body.

It is for this reason that the Sefer Yetzirah calls the heart "the king over the soul." (6:3) It also describes the mystical experience as a "running of the heart." (1:8)

What a fascinating parallel! Upon analysis and introspection, what this is saying is that without "heart," without good intention, without LOVE... we can not achieve a higher state of consciousness. We can not walk the 32 paths. Our enlightenment (Mind/Brain) depends on our higher states of consciousness (Nerves) which depends on love (Heart).

Or at least, that was my initial interpretation of it. What's yours?

Now, before you run away, screaming, "This is too much! I want my energy drink and red string back!" I'm going to share with you a story of something truly profound that happened to me recently.

A student writing a paper on the differences of Kabbalah and Christianity joined the Exclusively Kabbalah forum to find out more about it. She asked, "If I were to come up to you on the street and ask you what Kabbalah is, what would you tell me?" She was met with a lot of responses that three months ago, I would've looked upon as a foreign language they were so "deep" in their meaning. And even more responses that I still looked upon as such! So, I decided to give her my own "lamen's" answer to her question and began by saying, "Let me give this a shot because I think I'm a little more used to being in your head space than most of the other insanely enlightened beings around these parts."

But after sending out my post, I got a response from one of the members I really admire and look up to as being the most "insanely enlightened" of the bunch that forced me to really take a look at what I was saying there.

His response was: You are identifying with her because you are both unenlightened in an extremely enlightened arena? Well, I don't know many of the 520 or so people who visit this forum - but I can assure you that many of them do not check these posts and many of them are only vaguely interested in QBL. I have been reading about various forms and methods of QBListic inquiry and practice for 8 years. I can safely say I have been practising one or another of those forms for over13 years. How does that add up? I would have to disagree with your implication, I am virtually no more enlightened than you about this subject, I still know next to nothing about the endless future of possibility of anything. I guess we're in the same annoying boat of 'chipperfield' monkeys and the bad part is, now you don't get to switch seats, and if you do, I'll start stalking you, I promise.

Later on in his response, he tackled a moment where I tried explaining to the girl that "Kabbalah promotes unity, the idea that we are all one." His brilliant response to this was: How exactly do you interpret that concept at the moment, Jason? Just so you know, I am definitely not you. I am everything else, just not you. Just so you know. All the other people, except you. Why would I want to be you, cumsponge? ;P

What my dearly beloved Obi Wan is trying to tell the young Jedi here is this: If I am to believe that anyone is more or less "enlightened" than I am, then I am a hypocrite when I say I believe that we are all one. If one is to truly subscribe to that theory, which I most certainly am making a point to, they have to carry it to its enth degree. It is never about connecting or not connecting, being able to relate or not relate, to a person or concept. It is instead: I am this person. I am this concept. Powerful, don't you think?! To be able to walk down the street and know that you are imbued with everything of everyone from Einstein to Sharon Stone, from Charles Manson to Mother Theresa. Wow! That's something that, if you really walk with it, can change your life forever. I know it changed mine.

And my point to you is: Someone wrote this ancient text, hon. Someone translated it from Hebrew to English. Millions of people have been interpreting it forever. If you are going to hold tight to that theory you learned at the Centre about us all being one, you can't say, "This is too deep. I can't wrap my head around this. I can't understand it."

You can and you will.

Actually, strike that.

We can and we will.



JASON'S OTHER SITES:
JasonCurious.com
JasonSechrest.com
DV8Entertainment.com


RELATED SITES:
Kabbalah.com
72.com - Technology for the Soul
The Zohar - Weekly Studies
Weekly Kabbalah Wisdom
Weekly Kabbalah Astrology
Exclusively Kabbalah Group
The Logos
SpiritualityforKids.com


Have questions? Need advice? Want to share? EMAIL Jason at jason@jasonsechrest.com

Shades of Gray

I haven't been posting much recently and neither have you. It's been a hard month for all of us I think, but then March always seems to be. Some people call it March Madness. I call it "Wham Bam March" because it leads into what is usually a wonderful "Thank You Mamm, April." Astrologically, we've been finishing up a Mercury Retrograde, which is one of those periods where everything seems to fall to pieces on us, especially anything involving machinery or technology. (Had problems with your car? Computer? Oven blow up and burn your house down? Yeh, I thought so.) We also were faced with finishing up the period of Pisces, which is all about duality, finding balance, a middle ground.

As I mentioned in an earlier post, listing tons of personal examples, balance is the hardest thing in the world for me to achieve. My boyfriend, Mikey, has an inner sense of balance that drives him perfectly and I'm so envious of that quality. He can work all day, but know when his brain is so tired that it's not doing any good to work any further. He can watch a television show and then go back to working more without getting sucked into the tube and sitting in front of it for the rest of the day.

I wasn't happy with the environment in which I grew up. Most of us aren't. I grew up in a very abusive household and I find that so many of the decisions I make today are based on not wanting to become what I saw growing up. I mean, I bolted from Florida the day after I graduated high school and moved to Los Angeles to live on the streets -- that's how bad I wanted my life to change. I was very driven to not let my family's negative traits affect me, so I threw my all into that. I had also grown up being very inspired by the likes of Madonna, Mariah Carey, anyone who worked themselves to near exhaustion really. I felt that was the way you had to get anything accomplished in life because it was the polar opposite of what I saw growing up.

So, I became one of them. Well, sort of. You can't escape where you come from and no matter where you go, there you are.

You see, I have fluxuated for years back and forth between total extremes. Either I have a month where I get four hours of sleep a night and eat perfectly healthy and work out every day and study Kabbalah religiously - or I have a month where I get 12 hours of sleep a day, eat junk food, never work out and never even think about anything beyond the surface of this physical world. Now, the good news is, more often than not, I'm in the head space of choice A. The bad news is, I just recently realized it's no better really than choice B.

One family member, with whom I grew up and am very close to, me called recently for my help in getting out of their physically and emotionally abusive relationship with their spouse and with themselves. I was, of course, thrilled to hear this because I love this person so much and was ready to drop everything, get on a plane and come help my family through it. But it wasn't to be. By the next day, all was forgotten and they asked for me to forget it too and just act as though everything was fine.

It was like I'd been regressed to being a 15 year old again. I was myself as a little boy again, being asked to forget, being asked to block things out, being asked not to tell. That was my life, every day of my life, as a kid. "Pack your bags, we're leaving!" one minute and then "Unpack them, we're staying!" the next. False hopes of something better given and taken away every day.

I called back this person a few days later and I told them, "I am no longer trapped in your cage and I do not have to come along on this roller coaster with you like I did when I was a child. If you're not willing to change your life, I don't want to hear any complaints about it and when you are being abused, I don't want to hear about it until you've taken steps on your own to actually change it."

I thought to myself, perfect! How liberating! But there was a problem I hadn't thought of. For some reason, even after having this talk with this person, I still felt completely depressed. Immersed in depression actually! Maybe more so than before! Why? I kept asking myself why over and over until it finally came to me.

I realized, after much thought and meditation on the matter, that I'd never really left that cage at all. Not since being a kid, really. I may have just told this person that I was not on their "roller coaster" of a life anymore, but the truth is that even though I wasn't physically in their presence, I was still on it in spirit. All I had done was create the reverse lifestyle, the polar opposite of what I saw growing up -- which Mariah and Madonna will tell you, ain't all that healthy either! In fact, it's just as abusive, as anything extreme tends to be.

I had not rid myself of my family's negativity. I had simply eaten it and tried to use it as fuel. I didn't leave the table. I just walked to the other end of it and said, "I'd rather sit here."

Going to the extreme opposite is never an answer because it's destination is still the same, especially when it's rooted and born of negative energy to begin with.

So I resolved to really free myself from the cage and really jump from that roller coaster once and for all this month. And yet, there was still more challenge even after doing that! Then comes the challenge of finding your personal shade of gray. Because it's not enough to just find the gray area. I mean, I was so glad just to finally find gray at all this month that I, more often than not, wallowed in the darker shades of it. I was just so impressed that I could actually eat Taco Bell and go to the gym in the same day, ya know? That it wasn't all or nothing! I was so impressed by this that I kept doing it over and over, but forgot that our purpose is to find as much "light" as possible and make our lives the lightest shade of gray we can make it.

This probably sounds ludicrous to most people, but any extremist out there will feel me. It's the hardest thing in the world for some people to do, finding that gray area and then once you're there, trying to make it as light of a gray as possible.

Interestingly enough, I was pulling runes last night and got this message: "At the end of each journey is the land of balance. The reunion of what is above and below is united in our own consciousness. What a gift to have the ability to be of both worlds. Heaven above you and Earth below you unite within you and support you on your way."

It was raining hard during my meditations last night and I fell into a sort of trance towards Midnight and started just writing in stream of consciousness:

As the times change and the rain falls down, I go into myself to save the world in my own way this Spring. Many images fill my head, one of myself leaning back on springs, waiting to be launched. I've been here so long, when I finally let go... The rain of Spring cleanses me, melting the ice caps surrounding my true self. It washes away the damage inflicted by myself and only myself, for all the fires I asked to walk through, they were mine to burn. And so I'm burning. With my Sagittarian fire I burn all self-consciousness, self-doubt, all self-consumed thoughts and from the ashes of what is burnt I will rise like a phoenix from the flame. The rain douses the flames just in time, making sure I am not burned completely. Just enough. Just enough to be. Now pink and of only muscle, I am but raw nerve. I feel all. I am torn open. I am vulnerable. I am pure. I have begun again. Welcome to Spring. The time of daylight is changing today and with it, so must I.



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JasonCurious.com
JasonSechrest.com
DV8Entertainment.com


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Kabbalah.com
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Exclusively Kabbalah Group
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Have questions? Need advice? Want to share? EMAIL Jason at jason@jasonsechrest.com