The Second Coming

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What Is A Kabbalist?

I read these definitions of Kabbalists recently and thought they were worth noting:

"Kabbalah is not a philosophy or theosophy. Kabbalah is work to be done. The kabbalists of the past were people of action, not people of theory or philosophy. They were constantly traveling from town to town, giving charity, and assisting people in creating better lives for themselves."

"Two things determine whether one is a true kabbalist. First, he must have or be a bona fide teacher of Kabbalah. Second, he must live the principles that he will teach."


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Kabbalah in Music: "Crucify"

One way to meditate when you don't have time is to listen to music with spiritual or even Kabbalistic themes. And that surprisingly isn't just limited to Madonna, though she's great for that sort of thing too. ;-)

Today is Passover and as my blog yesterday explains, today is the day to focus on breaking whatever chains that bind you. Take some time out today to listen to this clip while you're working.

The themes of the Tori Amos song "Crucify" are appropriate for this powerful period we're embarking on, touching upon many of the things I went over yesterday. That God does not need another victim, that our hearts are sick of being chained and the final vow to never go back to crucify our own selves again.

Kabbalah teaches us that every word we utter has either a positive or negative affect on the world. Like words, music carries the same weight. The energy of the music we listen to affects us in either a positive or negative way -- and we then carry its energy in our own affects on the world at large.

I particularly like this live version of the song with her added verses at the end: "And I am never going back again. No way. On the floor that day, head in my hands, at your feet. This I swear, I have crawled my way back and I am never going back again to crucify myself every day."

Powerful words to aim at our ancient adversary.



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The Gift of Pesach: Break the Chains!

Tomorrow is the traditional Jewish holiday of Passover, a time known to Kabbalists as Pesach. It is a time when each and every person, regardless of their religious denominations, has the ability to tap into an energy that can make miracles, most specifically releasing us from the things that hold us back from getting the most joy and fulfillment out of life.

The traditional story itself of Moses leading the Isrealites out of Egpyt, freeing them from slavery, is one Kabbalists believe happened on Passover because Moses was aware that the 15th day of Nissan under the Aries full moon holds a special energy that is at it's peak then, helping us all to take control of our lives, breaking free from our own personal forms of slavery.

I've always been fascinated to read "This Day In History" sites since I started studying Kabbalah at 18 because it has become clear to me that when something in the metaphysical world occurs on any given day, it begins a chain of similar events that happen on that day of every year. Anyone who believes in astrology believes that certain days give way to certain energies. These energies don't change. Therefore, the energy that helped free the Isrealities from their slavery remains open to us tomorrow during Passover/Pesach.

What are we slaves to? Kabbalist Karen Berg has a few suggestions:

- Spending hours chained to a desk that gives us zero fulfillment because we are afraid to explore what is out there?
- Relationships we stay in because we are afraid to be alone?
- Money we spend on frivolous items because we hope they will make us happy?

All of these things bind us in slavery to our ego, the true adversary of life, which creates a desire to receive for the self alone. Now is a time to be able to transform that into a desire to receiving for the sake of sharing. It is a time to eradicate fear and bravely face down the various obstacles in our life that hold us back from being the person we dream of being and accomplish the things we dream of doing.

This energy is said to be available starting today on the 14th of Nissan (Nissan is the Aries moon - Kabbalah astrology and dates being led by the moon as opposed to the sun) through the 21st of Nissan (the day Moses split the Red Sea). So for the next week, we are all blessed with an incredible opportunity to create real miracles in our lives. One of our greatest gifts and powers here on Earth is the power of our consciousness: Mind Over Matter, they call it, right? And as my spin instructor jokes, "If you don't mind, it won't matter!" It's funny to hear when you're on a bike with sweat pouring off of you, but it's also very true.

Another reason this is a special time is that the day after Passover begins a period called the Counting of Omer, 49 days that provide us with that positive "Mind Over Matter" consciousness as a way to remove any negative actions from this and previous lives. This ends with the holiday of Shavout.

So for all intense purposes, this weekend and this coming week holds a few "freebies" that we don't want to let pass us by. The time of Aries in general (or Nissan, if you prefer) is one of great power. If you know any Aries, you know they are always happy to go into some kind of battle -- they tend excel at sports and make great leaders -- though the downside for them, and therefore for all of us at this time of year if you follow Kabbalistic astrology, is that they can often be childish, refusing to grow up and sometimes have problems finishing what they start despite rampantly enthusiastic beginnings.

I was not born under the Aries sign, but I have this problem a lot. I can become so excited about a project and really dive in only to have the slightest snafu send me galloping off into another direction leaving my original goals behind. The "beginning" is an exciting time for me. It feels new and pure, a clean slate. The beginning of a new week, the beginning of a new day. But in truth, it is always the beginning of something. Noon is the beginning of the afternoon. This is the beginning of a new minute. And if we're truly living in the present, right now is the only beginning of which we should be concerned. Looking to the future to start anew is only a tricky form of procrastination.

Follow through is one of the things Aries are put here to conquer for themselves and therefore it is ours to conquer during these weeks of the year as well. The universe offers us everything we need during these weeks to make that happen. Heck, if I can blog here for 12 days straight for the first time ever, trust me, follow through can be accomplished right now.

Take this weekend to look at the things in your life that you'd like to change and know that this week you can change them. Chances are, you've already been thinking of some lately. It's no coincidence. Now is the time to charge into battle. There's a true potential for successes and miracle making during this cosmic time of year.


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Day 12 of 12: Pisces

Well, I wish I could say that truly exhibited the qualities of a leader during the final of the 12 Day of Aries, but alas "Pisces" proved to be more a period of being hungover. :-/

And those are the breaks I suppose.

I'll tell you what though, I'm still proud of myself. This is the first time in years that I have furthered my Kabbalah studies for 12 days in a row and it's the first time ever I've blogged here that many consecutive days as well. I always feel so much more grounded when I start and end my days with Kabbalah. I never feel as "connected" to the divine, to humanity and to myself as I do at those times in my life, when I truly devote myself.

I may not have been perfect at accomplishing all of the tasks the "12 Days" provided, but it did keep me interested enough in Kabbalah to spend time reading books I hadn't picked up in quite some time. I've been busy highlighting and underlining a lot of stuff that I'm dying to post here on the blog so for the most part, you can expect the daily blogs here to continue for a while.

Furthermore, I am so bad at finishing projects that I start, to have done this for 12 days is really a miracle and makes me wonder if I comitted myself to other things for just 12 days -- going to the gym, submitting myself or acting projects, etc. -- how much I would actually be able to accomplish in such a small amount of time.


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Day 11 of 12: Aquarius

I spent a lot of time last night studying. I have a stack of Kabbalah books that I am always reading and I meant to lay down and read them for 30 minutes before bed, but they became so engrossing last night that I poured over them for several hours.

I found a lot of good info that helped me with today's Aquarius quest on becoming more of a team player in the game of life. Namely that our entire purpose is to love, to connect to other beings and be there for them. So if you're not doing that, what the hell are you doing, right? I know it seems simple to say but there are a lot of people like me who are so used to being burned, they decide to live a life where they fulfill their own needs -- a single life of self-sufficiency. From what I read last night, those of us who choose to live our lives that way are, according to Kabbalah, really missing the boat.

And it makes sense. We're here to give to the world. Not ourselves. Kabbalah teaches that we are to become more like God in being this source of pure love and sharing. Well, that's giving love to other people and sharing with them. I don't think the Big One is up there just giving to himself. This extends into some areas of sex and sexuality too that were really shocking for me to read, but I will tackle those after The12 Days of Aries is complete. I have been keeping notes and will continue posting daily.

Tonight begins the final day! The next 24 hours is Pisces, a time to really step up to the plate and be a leader. Think of those leaders who you admire and recognize how they balance logic with emotion, initiate action, handle pressure with certainty, go the extra mile and feel other people's pain.


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Day 10 of 12: Capricorn

Very productive day of Capricorn here. Working hard. Keeping "the faith" as was called for today. lol... Trying not to panic or stress over and problems or issues that may arise and just realize everything will work out. I really loved that soul mate quote I posted last night too. I've been thinking about that all day and will probably continue focusing on that as my mantra even after all of this is done.

Tonight begins Aquarius, a sign that is known for being unique personalities but not always such a good team player. Be a team player over the next 24 hours. Don't make things all about you. Make sure you're dependable to the people in your life, that they can count on you.


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Day 9 of 12: Sagittarius

It's been a rough day.

I got on some weird sleep pattern over the weekend of going to sleep at 5 am and waking up around noon -- which is fine for weekends, but bad for Mondays. Had to cancel my plans for tonight and stay in working. I don't think I've left my computer all day.

But that was part of today's challenge: Analyzing the situation, making decisions and sticking by them. So whereas I'm usually very wishy washy in my decision making process, I just looked at what had to get done today, started scratching things off the schedule for this evening and decided to stay in and focus on what's putting food on the table.

I haven't really had a lot of time to "focus on forgiveness" today -- but I'm not sure who I really have to forgive for anything. I don't usually hold a grudge. I bought my ex-stepfather a birthday card this week and if I can forgive him and make amends as I did several years ago, trust me I think everyone else is in the clear.

I was also supposed to think before I speak and be more sensitive towards people -- which I did not do at all during a conversation with my webmaster this afternoon. I was short with her because I was pissed I had just awakened and had so much to do that I didn't want to go over stuff I'd already felt like we'd already been through. But she was just trying to help.

A lot of spiritual study suggests visualization. One is to at the end of the day, when you're laying in bed, close your eyes and go over the things you aren't happy about in your day, things you wish you'd handled differently. You're supposed to visualize yourself doing things the way you wish you had and really see and feel what the outcome would have been so that next time you know better. I think I'll be doing a lot of that tonight.

Should I be able to get in bed before 5. God willing. Literally.

And so we forge onto Capricorn.

Trust more. Have more faith. Rely on the Light and the 99% realm, not the 1% shell, the physical world. Express emotions. (Ahem, that one's not so difficult for me.)

The mantra and meditation for this day in the 12 Days of Aries: "I want to bring all future and existing relationships to the level of Soul Mate. I want to relate to all those around me on this heightened plane, and bring greater Light into my life and the lives of others."

I really liked that when I read it. I thought it was really beautiful.

Maybe I should stop looking for a soul mate and just treat the world like one. I think I'll try that for the next 24 hours.


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Day 8 of 12: Scorpio

Indulgence was supposed to be our area of restraint today and as much as I may have wanted to indulge in another day off, it was back to work for me today, back to the diet, back to the gym all of which I suffered through quite successfully!

The other goal was in the quote: "The only thing worse than hating each other is hating ourselves." I liked that quote so much I put it on my MySpace and D-List pages. It's easier said than done though and I was grateful to get a mailer from Kabbalah.com this morning about using the phrase: "No Matter What!" It rang in my head throughout the day. Anytime I started to judge myself, the way I looked, how much I was getting done, etc. I would just say, "I look good no matter what," "I love myself no matter what," "I'm a good person no matter what."

It all sounds very hokey and cheesy, I know! But I don't care what you think. No matter what. ;-)

The truth is, it's been a long road to feeling comfortable being myself in any given situation and the insecurities of the past still haunt, I just know how to deal with them better.

So we're now heading into Day 9 which will be Sagittarius. I am a Sag so I know all about this one. Tonight and tomorrow should prove most challenging for me because I know these negative traits like the back of my hand!

Tonight and tomorrow we are called upon to...

- Practice forgiveness.
- Look out for details.
- Analyze an entire situation before making a decision.
- Make a commitment and stick to it.
- Watch what you say! Be more sensitive to others.

I'll let you know how it all comes out.


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Day 7 of 12: Libra

Libra couldn't have come at a perfect time, beginning the weekend with a real chucking of the chains, freeing me to just enjoy life and let the wind carry me. I went out with friends last night when I would normally go home after singing at The Other Side and I've lived the last 24 hours without a schedule of any kind for the first time in over a week.

We are over the half way mark on our journey through this odd little 12-step program and tonight begins Scorpio.

The #1 thing to remember over the course of the next 24 hours is to stay calm. Any feelings of chaos, even in the face of challenge, is only going to further any state of crisis. Instead, remain calm and find ways of being proactive.

Scorpios are known for indulgence so we must all exhibit some self control tonight and tomorrow by not giving into our every desire. They're also prone to self-depricating behavior so don't forget that the only thing worse than hatred and judgment of others is hatred and judgment of yourself.

Enjoy your weekend! See you tomorrow night.

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Day 6 of 12: Virgo

I feel pretty successful about today! And this week in general.

I did a damned good job of not beating myself up over shit that didn't get done this week and focused on everything that was accomplished. It's really been such a productive week for me despite the fact that sometimes there's just not enough hours in the day.

I've also thrown caution to the wind tonight with my set list for singing at The Other Side. I'm just going to go in and sing what I feel instead of trying to map it out before hand. Relinquishing control! I may even just ask James, the pianist, what he'd like me to sing. ...Well, we'll see. I don't know if I can go quite that far.

Tonight, however, actually begins Libra which forces us to make decisions without fear. So that could come in quite nicely as well once the song is choosen tonight, huh? Don't doubt it. Faith.

Make decisions with certainty tonight and tomorrow. Don't question past decisions either. Even if they didn't pan out the way you were hoping, trust that there's an ultimate reason why.

Another Libra challenge: Share for the right reasons. Just to give! Not to get something in return. Not even karma. Just GIVE tonight and tomorrow!

Give, give, give.

Make decisions with certainty.

Have faith in the universe.

Could be the start to a great weekend!

P.S.: We're half way there!


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Day 5 of 12: Leo

I love Leos and I'm surprised I don't have more of them in my sign. I share so many of their traits and therefore, a lot of their faults always prove a good challenge for me to get through.

Hosting two shows over the past 24 hours, it was rather difficult to not seek being the center of attention -- but in truth, the shows shouldn't be about me at all. They should be about my guests and who I'm interviewing, so I focused a lot on making the evenings all about them, something I could probably always do a little more of.

Empathy was the order of the day as well and that came pretty naturally actually. I'm always a concerned individual, but I'm always moreso when Kabbalah is keeping me grounded so I've been pretty understanding of other people's perspectives and feelings since this whole thing began five days ago.

Tonight begins Virgo, which happens to be my moon sign. Practically the exact opposite of my sun sign, Sagitarrius. It balances me out quite nicely, but it also makes it difficult for me to make decisions! lol

The Virgo's plight is to not be so critical of others or themselves. Seek not to judge, but to understand. The best way to conquer both of these demons is to look for the good and the positive in everything, every one, every situation.

Another issue to tackle over the next 24 hours is letting go of the need to plan and control everything. Stay in the moment! No one needs a road map. If you're lost, trust your gut instinct, tap into the Light... you'll be just fine without the daily planner today.

(God, that is SO me!)

Last but not least, Virgos have a problem admitting they're wrong. So if you seem hell bent on making a point tonight or tomorrow, take a minute to step back and think, "Maybe I'm wrong." It is, after all, possible.


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Day 4 of 12: Cancer

Sharing is hard!

I'm running mad late for my gig hosting at Here Lounge in West Hollywood but wanted to dash this off before I jump in the shower.

It was hard finding ways to share without spending money today. I wanted to buy people things and realized that's probably a bad habit of mine. It forced me to find several other ways to share throughout the day and to look beyond the superficial and that of the physical world.

As for letting go of security blankets, I sang a lot of song last night at The Other Side that I was uncomfortable with and haven't sung in forever. But it all came out quite nicely, surprisingly! Was a good night. Actress Rose McGowen was there! She sang "Fever."

I have also decided to start branching out, singing at some other places with other pianists. I fear I may have been hiding behind my lone accompanist for a bit too long. Taking risks. Or planning risk taking anyway.

Okay! So tonight and tomorrow... we conquer the Leo's negative traits!

- Don't be a control freak like Madonna and every other Leo you know!
- Use your strength to help others, not dominate them.
- Be more empathetic, understand other people's perspectives and feelings.
- And here's a real challenge for some of us: Don't seek to be the center of attention today.

Whoa! I have to do this tonight and tomorrow?! Meaning during my two events hosting at Here Lounge on Wednesdays and MJ's on Thursdays?

Oh great.

This WILL be a challenge.


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Day 3 of 12: Gemini

Today's main goal, as I mentioned yesterday, was to cease procrastination.

I can't say I did amazingly, but I made a dent.

I awakened at 7 am and made a list of all the things I've been putting off doing. There were 9. I got 4 done today.

Unfortunately, I was distractingly bombarded by a series of friends' personal dramas, some of which I shared, all day long and it led to not getting accomplished everything I'd hoped for. Is that procrastination? Oh well, at least there's a dent and there's always tomorrow!

Speaking of tomorrow -- and tonight actually! In the next few hours we'll begin Cancer. The goal for Cancerians and for the period of Cancer in general (that's the way it works in case you haven't caught on) is to let go of their security blankets in order to face their fears. Anything that gives a false sense of security must go! Take a risk! Trust in the light! It's also a time of counting your blessings and living in the present.

Additionally, you're supposed to do a random act of sharing throughout the month of Cancer. Since there's 30 days in the month, maybe I'll try to perform 30 random acts of sharing tomorrow!

Remember: You can get a head start by jumping in tonight! When the moon is up in your neck of the woods, the 24 hours period begins.

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Day 2 of 12: Taurus

Getting out of my comfort zone today began with waking up at 7:00 am. I have had such a whacked sleep schedule for so long, I have missed getting up early in the mornings to do yoga, spiritual study, answer all of my emails, make my phone calls, etc. so that much of what I have to do for the day is accomplished before noon. But with so many late night gigs, that becomes increasingly difficult to do. Still, I can function fine on five hours of sleep and there's no need to be laying abed until the afternoon every day, so I pushed myself out of that comfort zone this morning and sure enough have accomplished more in a day than I did in a week.

I'm also going to try to line up some auditions for myself this week. I hate auditioning, so that's a major step out of my comfort zone. Auditioning just reeks of this permeating "Am I good enough for you?" feeling that sticks on you like honey the second you walk in the room and it's a real challenge to shake that off and go into it without ego.

I have been catching up on a lot of correspondence today as well, listening to others and sharing with them.

At sun down tonight, we'll begin the third day, Gemini which is all about focus and comittment.

Stop putting it off, it's now or never! Tonight and tomorrow is about focusing on details, seeing the big picture and finishing what we start.

Good luck!


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Day 1 of 12: Aries

Today is the first day of the New Moon in Aries which means it is the beginning of the 12 Days of Nissan for Kabbalists. I love to think of it as our very own 12-step program of sorts!

I did a KabbalahCurious blog on this last year and I'm returning to it again, but this time instead of just listing what to do, I'll be chronicling my own personal journey through it for the next 12 days. For one thing, it will get me posting here on a regular basis again! But I do think it's one of the most important times out of the year to immerse yourself in spiritual study and to try to better yourself. If you buckle down and concentrate for these twelve days, it is said to make the rest of your year a lot easier, not to mention twelve days straight makes you more focused and ready to take on anything!

Each of the twelve days represents one of the Kabbalistic months or astrological signs and the energy available in that month. As in any form of astrology, the months have particular traits -- gifts and challenges, often one in the same, that they provide.

For example, today, the first day is representative of Aries itself.

Aries is a time to complete things, to follow through and finish tasks that before now may have seemed daunting. The energy is available in Aries to avoid making the same mistakes by learning from reflection on the past. It is also a time to avoid conflict through emphasizing with others and to decrease ego by realizing that we are all only channels for the Light.

Therefore, these are things to remember and focus on all day today. However well we do at these bulletpoints today goes a long way in our karma for handling such things in the next twelve months.

I didn't even know today was the first day of this Kabbalistic ritual until last night when it began. Yes, it begins the night before actually, as Kabbalists chart their days and months by the moon, not the sun. So tonight will in fact begin the second day. More on that later.

But when I received an email from a friend informing me that it had begun and wishing me a happy 12 Days, I found it fitting because instead of being out on a Saturday night, I was at home working, finshing tasks that had needed completion for the longest time, and was scheduling the following day to be more of the same. So it worked out quite well for me!

A friend who is trying to stop drinking so much called today after having partied all weekend and instead of giving the usual lecture or judging, I just listened and empathized, keeping a cheerful nature so as not to bring the person down any more on themselves than they already were.

I also got back to the gym today for the first time in what is probably a month.

This evening begins the second day which represents Taurus, a time to step out of our comfort zones and embrace doing things that we fell are difficult. It's a time to listen and actively share with others (I'm writing this blog... you leave a comment!) and to tansform complacency into forward motion.

I'll check in tomorrow with what I'm doing personally to accomplish those tasks and to let you know what's in store for tomorrow night and the following day.

Would love to hear your stories of what's happened in your day as well! Share with us all through the comment link below.

For a sneak peek at what's to come in the 12 Days of Aries, see last year's blog here.

This is all about overcoming whatever it is that’s holding you back from getting all the fulfillment you want in life. Rest assured, you WILL be tested over the next 12 days. How you act can affect the outcome of how you experience the coming year.


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Why Wait To Be Happy?

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Time Travel

I loved Yehuda Berg's Weekly Consciousness Tune-Up this week, courtesy The Kabbalah Centre mailings.

It's about time travel and about becoming conscious of correcting things we did wrong in our past, specifically childhood.

She mentioned a friend who was guilt ridden over what he'd done as a kid and a teenager -- bullying other people and the damage that may have inflicted on them for life. Ironically, he is now bullying himself over it, beating himself up daily fearful of everything from the reprucussions it will have on his victims to the karma that he has coming his way.

So the bullying hasn't stopped at all really.

We have to dig down at the root, become more aware of what we're doing and right the wrong.

For me, I'd say I'm still haunted by the blueprint I created for mentally breaking down straight guys when I was in high school to talk them into messing around with me sexually. One of whom, I fell in love with and ended up hurting his sense of self severely over the course of about a year.

That's a real tough one because there's a root of the root even. A lot of times you have to keep asking, 'Why did I do this?' or 'Why am I doing this?' to get to the bottom of it.

The root here is that I wanted to change people, make them into what I wanted them to be to suit my own selfish purpose and agenda. This is something that I'm sorry to say hasn't changed. Though I am no longer manipulative or damaging to others, I certainly am to myself, often seeing people as I want them to be instead of as they are.

The root of the root: What made me do it in the first place was the circuitry of people wanting to change me. Family members wanting me to like basketball more than singing. People wanting me to be straight instead of gay, quiet instead of loud, repressed instead of expressed.

To not need other's approval has been a great step for me in overcoming that root problem. And when I am able to stop feeling the pressure to change who I am, I can stop wanting to change others.

What wrongs do you need to right from your past? What has followed you to today?

One of the 72 Names of God, Time Travel (see photo above) is great to meditate upon while coming to these conclusions in your life.


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Six Months Later...

I remember Leonardo DiCaprio once talking about how the best thing he does to further his acting skills is walk away from it altogether for several months at a time. Something about just living life, people studying, self-discovery ...something about all of that made the study of his craft even stronger when he returned to it because he knew more about himself, about people, about the world.

It has been six months since my last post and though I have never stopped actively practicing and applying Kabbalistic wisdom to my every day life, I did halt my studies for all of that time. It was only last week that I really began to dive in again.

I needed to walk away from studying Kabbalah any further for a time because, for me, it got to a point where after nearly ten years I was studying it for the wrong reasons. Not that there is a wrong reason to study Kabbalah, but it was just wrong for me at the time. Hence the new mantra above: We share the ground, but not the road. My path is not your's.

A lot of us study Kabbalah for the same reason that we go to the gym or, say, take up pottery: We feel something is missing from our lives. The many books of Kabbalistic wisdom teach us that the everlasting void can only be truly filled by the Light of the Creator. But for some so desperate to have that void filled, we forget the difference between the books and the Light. It's not the seminars, it's not the books, it's not the teachers that are filling those voids. It's the Light. And what is the only thing that can connect you to the Light?

Yourself.

I had to strike out on my own and get to a point where I could feel my connection to God even when I was not reading the books. A point where I could love my body even when I didn't get to the gym as many times as I would've liked. A point where I could see my flaws and things I wanted to change, but still feel good about myself.

These are things that I learned in the last six months. Would I have learned it if I continued to use the books as my source of empowerment? Probably not.

So why return to it?

If not to make you feel better about yourself, why study Kabbalah?

To bring you all the things you want out of life?

To make you a better person for other people?

To keep you grounded and on the right path?

To further your knowledge of how to apply the wisdom to your structure?

Sure, but those things are really just the icing on the cake.

I had to get to a point of understanding that my sole intention (or soul intention, lol) for studying any religion or form of spirituality should always be to bring myself closer to God.

Everything else follows.

Welcome back to Kabbalah Curious, thank you for joining me on my walk and happy new year!


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Give and Take

The full moon doesn't hit until tomorrow morning, but it looked full even as of last night and the energy from it was incredibly powerful.

Maybe it is because we actually have two full moons this month, which is a rarity; one on the 2nd and one on the 31st. You can certainly wager that the month of May will be bountiful in introspection, changes of emotional tide and tapping into your own feminine energy and diva/goddess-like prowess.

Last night while driving, the moon seemed to be following me, and the clouds were passing by it so rapidly I had to stop and stare. It is believed that when you stop and stare at the moon, you have been called to. She has something to tell you.

And as I watched, I saw not one moon, but two in my vision. You know, as though I'd been on a heavy binge or something? Two moons. They didn't go away either and I knew the second I got home that I was supposed to sit down and have a chat.

Two moons. Two moons. Two moons. ... I kept getting it in my head over and over.

Lit two candles, one on either side of the altar, and as I closed my eyes, saw the two lights beaming like separate rays that meet at my eyes, forming one. Like rivers that become an ocean. And then I started my scribbling...

Two moons like two rivers within you that combine to make the great ocean. One is life giving and the other is life taking. You have these two rivers seriously confused.

Hmm. "Well, that's something," I thought, and after a brief moment of meditation found, the words rang truer than I would like to admit.

I know myself very well (come on, I'm pretty "in touch" with me) and I know what I believe is true for me, but all too often I allow other's points of view, other's voices, to become my own. I try opinions on like t-shirts and I apply certain traits to myself because I believe they will make me more dynamic.

So my giving river... is giving the power of who I am to other people.

My taking river... is taking ideas and traits that do not belong to me.

So the old switcheroo here would be to have my giving river give love and tolerance while the taking river takes inspiration, but never tattoos the soul.

And see, this is why I rarely post here anymore. Because I feel like I'm talking in riddles. I'm not trying to be cryptic, but anyone who is really in touch with that "other side" and has conversations with it regularly understands that to put those experiences into words is nearly impossible. The quote, "It's like dancing about architecture," comes to mind. And the deeper into your spiritual study you go, the harder it gets to really explain some of the things you learn.

But! Like Shirley MacLaine, I'm still here. I'm still giving it a go. For the moment. So anyone benefiting from it, please speak up. (See comment section below.)

I hope that anyone who has been through a similar discovery, meditating on what they are giving and taking from people around them or the world in general, understand what I mean when I talk about these two moons, two rivers, two pieces (there, a sane word) of our spiritual beings.

You know, "two" is something we have a lot of -- hands, arms, feet, legs, eyes. Kabbalists believe (yes, let's do bring this back to Kabbalah, shall we?) that our physical bodies are a reflection of their map, The Tree of Life. Our bodies tell us a lot about who we are and why we are here. Everything -- and I mean, everything! -- to a Kabbalist is symbolism, leading us to a greater truth. Yes, even our freaking bodies!

For instance, hardcore Kabbalists will be familiar with The 32 Paths of Wisdom. These paths, according to the Sefer Yetzirah (Book of Creation), come into physical manifestation via our nervous system, which contains 32 nerves. Let me explain.

The 32 Paths of Wisdom lead to ultimate enlightenment and Kabbalists believe that we use our brain to achieve that state of mind. So, it is no coincidence that we have 32 nerves that lead to the brain. They reflect each other, these 32 Paths of Wisdom that were given to Abraham from God and transcribed in the Sefer Yetzirah over 4,000 years ago -- which was before we even knew we had 32 nerves!

This reflection goes even deeper when you think about the actions that the heart performs. The heart is what provides for the brain and the nervous system. The heart is the engine that runs that nervous system which links our mind to our bodies. The Sefer Yetzirah calls the heart "king of the soul" and describes a mystical experience as a "running of the heart."

So, what this is telling us...

Physically: For the 32 nerves to travel to the brain, the heart needs to be running.

Metaphysically: To travel those 32 paths to enlightenment, we must tap into the soul.

And what I'm telling you is... reflection, symbolism, it is all around us and Kabbalists believe our bodies to be reflections of the spiritual world.

There is a great deal of duality in our bodies. Our bodies were built for receiving and giving. We breathe in, we breathe out. We take seed, we give birth. We eat food, we... and so on and so forth.

So these two rivers are definitely in our spiritual beings. One is for taking. One is for giving.

My question of the day is: Are you giving and taking the right things?

Are you giving authority over who you are?

Have you allowed other's pessimistic points of view to taint your idea of what is possible to achieve?

For me, the answer was a resounding yes and I believe now is the time for healing at this first full moon of the month.


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Perspective: Part II

It's a sad day when a mass killing like the one at Virginia Tech is simply no longer shocking.

We've had war, hatred, death and killings on mass since 9/11.

I miss the feeling of unity and the outreach of Columbine. There are no vigils out in my neighborhood for the lives lost at VT like there were then.

We've been wading in the stentch for so long we can no longer smell it.

I wish I could say there is something being done, but then The New York Times published an article today on how our so-called leader has re-negged on promises of helping the victims in New Orleans -- helping those still alive as opposed to merely honoring those dead and sending more to be killed in a foreign land.

The ball's been dropped so many times it's hard to do much anymore but just watch it roll away.

I know that from the darkness can come great light. But that is a choice, isn't it? A perspective chosen.

So what about you guys? Are you getting used to it all?

Or are you just waking up?



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Perspective

I think a lot of times we can forget how important perspective is in nearly every situation of our every day life. We all hear the phrase, "It's all in your perspective," but how often do actually sit down to choose what glasses we're going to put on before taking action?

And again, as in all things, there is a gray area here. Deluding one's self into thinking all is well as the world crumbles around them is no answer, but nor is the feeling of utter helplessness that one can feel from that tower shaking.

The best example I can give comes from my song of the week.

When someone -- let's say a bank teller, for example -- says something as simple as, "Have a nice day!" we can take this one of two ways. Some would think, "Well that was nice. So many people forget to say things like that anymore or don't bother to take the time." But on the other hand, another person might think, ""Why would they say that? You don't even know me and couldn't care less if I even died."

Both perspectives? Absolutely true.

So now it comes down to personal choice. Which are you going to choose?

Song of the Week: "Almost Rosey" (Live) - Tori Amos, American Doll Posse

And when I hear of one more bomb, yes we have all been robbed of song and nightengales who throw their arms up -- when is enough enough?

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What Is Evolved?: Part II

As a follow up to yesterday's post, if you're having problems coming up with 10 things you love about yourself (NOT your physical self, remember, but WHO you are!), you might want to try this Kabbalah meditation on Self-Esteem.

Self-love/esteem is actually a translation of one of the 72 Names of God, and thankfully it's one of the easiest to remember because all three letters are the same! You can scan them forward, scan them backward! And the letter itself is pronounced, "Hey!" So, when you're feeling really gay and queening out with your friends, you can say, "Hey, hey, hey!" Or if you're straight, just sing that song, "Hey, hey, hey... goodbye!" God's name, right? Who knew?

Anyway, the full meditation is here: http://www.geocities.com/ichthys7/meditations/41.swf

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What Is Evolved?

I recently found a tape of a psychic reading someone did for me back in 1999.

I remember thinking at the time, "This really has absolutely nothing do to with what I'm going through. This woman is a quack."

And that may have been true, but as we know there are no coincidences, and for whatever reason I kept that tape, only to find it as of last week to be appropriate to absolutely every facet of my life. The things that came out of her mouth were things I had written in my "Diary" and on KabbalahCurious.com just days before!

It's ironic that I would be going through this during the holiday of Easter, but what it has come down to for me lately is how to make my faith greater than my fear. My confidence has always been based in anything other than my true self. When I was a teenager, I created this fantasy world and pretended to be someone else, someone who had that confidence. As I got older, I found ways of at least putting it somewhere in my own skin, even if only in the physical form. I have put my sense of value, worth and self-esteem in everything from money to power to my hair to my dick size -- all of which are things that come and go, wither or fade away. I have unconsciously sought out relationships that I thought would be "sure bets" because I am petrified of rejection. I didn't believe anyone would really want to be with me unless they... were diseased, were high maintenance, were my best friend, etc. I found situations where I felt certain the other person would never leave me and only then could I truly open myself up to them and allow myself to fall. This might shed some light on that line in my poetry I posted last week that says, "All his eggs in his inches. Needs a map to get him there, sniffing out that one sure thing." This has been my M.O. I am even a big fish in a small pond when it comes to my career, knowing that staying here is another "sure bet" despite the fact that it is not my ultimate dream and what I feel I was put on this Earth to do -- or at the very least what I came to Los Angeles to do.

On the tape, I kept talking about wanting to be "evolved." Not enlightened, but evolved -- which is interesting because I don't think I even realized there was a difference at the time. The psychic asked me what I felt evolved was. I gave her my answer and she said to me, "You know what evolved is to me? Self-love. When you love yourself and put your confidence in who you are instead of what you do or what you look like, that is a state of evolved being because it is so difficult for so many to do. What traits and characteristics do you have that you will take with you to your death bed? What do you love about you that will never change? These are the things to love in yourself because they are also the reasons you would want someone to fall in love with you. You can do all the yoga and all the Kabbalah classes all the good deeds in the world, but it doesn't mean you'll love yourself. You'd just be putting your confidence in the fact that you do those things and then what happens when you stop?"

She makes a good point. There is no one 'thing' any of us can do to reach this state of "evolved" being because it is a process. We can only ask that we love ourselves (our true selves, what is inside) and treat ourselves better than we did the day before.

So I am suggesting this Easter Sunday, for those of us who so often put our sense of worth into their physicality, to make a list of 10 things you love about yourself that will never fade away. Put it somewhere you can look at it every morning for the next few weeks and see if the way you feel about yourself and carry yourself changes.

These are the things that make up who you are as a person and will never be taken away from you. They are the reasons we should be confident in ourselves as opposed to having a good hair day.

Some examples would be: Honest, Loyal, Spiritual, Ambitious, Creative, Sharing, Funny, Perseverent, Devoted and Talented. Oh and Sexy can be one too. That's something that comes from within that you'll never lose, even with age. ;-)

If you can find more than ten, go for it. But ten is a good start. Feel free to comment here and leave your personal top ten. Love it enough to put it out there for all the world to see!

Happy Easter!


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What Would Jesus Really Do?

A lot of times, readers assume that because I question the Christian faith that I am anti-Christian. Let me take this holiday weekend to I clarify that I am certainly not. In fact, I am a firm believer and follower in many of the teachings of Jesus Christ. What I am against is hypocrisy and the hijacking of Christ's walk. I believe Jesus came to illuminate for everyone, not a selected few.

Ronald Martin's special, What Would Jesus Really Do?, is being rebroadcast several times throughout the weekend on CNN. It is a brilliant and much needed example in these times of the extreme conservative and right winged, of the good that can come from the Christian faith -- something easy to forget when so much blood has been shed and hatred spewed in his name. While I didn't agree with everything that was said from the panel of pastors and reverends, I was so impressed with certain standpoints, I had to jot them down.

I never thought I would be quoting Jerry Fallwell, but when asked if he believes a Christian is the only right person to elect as our President, he says, "I think that the ideal is that we would have a man or a woman of [Christian] faith who also is right on the issues. But I've known men and women of faith who didn't have a clue regarding national security, didn't have a clue about how to deal with terrorism, had no idea about how to change the federal courts and to defend the unborn. So it's like this, I would rather have an atheist who is a neuro-surgeon of excellent talents operating on me if I ever need a brain surgery than have the best Sunday school teacher in the world who doesn't know a thing about it. We've got to elect a President who, whether he or she goes to church or which church or whatever, understands the issues and the top issue today in our culture is survival. It's the most dangerous time I've known in my 73 years and I've lived through Hitler, nazzi-ism, communism... This is the most dangerous time America has ever faced and the next President has got to have a grip on the gravity of this and the survival of the people."

Pastor Frederick Douglas Heinz III had so much passion in his delivery that when he spoke of the oppression of homosexuals, I was moved to tears and screaming "Hallelujah!" at my television set. He says, "I think it's quite ironic that on this weekend as we celebrate the passion and crucifixion of Jesus Christ that a fresh Jesus has been crucified on the cross of identity theft. Jesus is now associated with those who are against same sex marriage. Jesus is pro-life, yet his pro-life stance stops when we exit the womb? I'm bothered by the fact that we have not really taken Jesus, we've divorced him as it were from the reality of his teachings from the days in which he lived. Jesus basically has been de-radicalized and sanitized to the point where he is totally divorced from the social, political and economical realities of his day. How can we do this when Jesus spent his time as a part of an oppressed people under Roman occupation and oppression? You can not divorce Jesus from that context. What would Jesus do? He'd give the most to those who have the least. He'd be concerned about the fact that we are in a misbegotten war. One that we have no exit strategy for! Jesus says the truth shall set you free. I believe that we can come together as Christians if we put Jesus back in context. Put him back in context and I promise you we'll follow him and we'll be following him together."

Even Pastor Rick Warren, who I disagreed with the most in fact, reminded me by his interview's end, "I don't have to agree with every belief in a person to find common ground. I don't agree with everything that some of my gay friends do and they don't agree with everything I do, but we also have our similarities like working together to fight AIDS. And that's not saying it is a gay disease, but gays agree with me that if Jesus were here today, he'd be hanging out with people who have HIV and AIDS. They are the lepers of the 21st Century. People are scared to death of it. And he hung out with people who had leperacy in those days."

But the most important contention of the evening, to me, of course, being a practicing Kabbalist, came from Rabbi Shmuley Boteach who felt that the stories of Jesus's death were not nearly as important as the stories of how he lived his life. He says, "We hear almost nothing about the humanity of Jesus. We hear Christians speak about how inspired they are by the life he led, but if you go to their church, or a Catholic church in particular, you will only see the death that he died. You see him hanging there on the cross. I think this has direct repercussions on how religion is practiced and how religion is preached. It focuses so much on death and what happens after death as opposed to taking responsibility for how we should be living in the here and now, taking a page from Jesus's book, so to speak. He struggled with issues like you and I. His humanity is what truly makes him so inspiring."

The point Ronald Martin was trying to make in his special, he says, is this: "Faith should be used to break down barriers, not solidify them," he says. "How can people who say they love Jesus be afraid to speak to their neighbor because of their differences or eat with a co-worker or have their children play with their peers across town?"

I wanted to shed some light on one question that Martin posed to almost everyone on the panel that went unanswered. He wanted to know, "How did the Easter bunny and Jesus get hooked up?"

Great question. And the answer is yet another reason to open our hearts and become tolerant of individuals with ways and belief systems separate from our own. Holiday comes from the term "holy day" and though all holy days become secularized, many began as Pagan. The Pagan holiday of Ostara actually means "eastern star." This Easter-n star's movement towards the "rising sun" is where we derived the term "Easter." In ancient times, the Goddess Ostara, sometimes even translated as Eostre, was the Goddess of Spring and Morning Redness. She would often be depicted as standing in a grassy field with chicks and bunnies around her, a red egg (hence the Pagan "ritual" of dying eggs) in her hand. Sometimes she would even be depicted as having the head of a hare itself! The "bunny" and the Goddess Osara were closely related, both being creatures that thrive at night, under the ruling energy of the moon. So this is where we get our symbols of the holiday, Easter, way before the time of Christ. Is it a coincidence that it went from a holiday of the "rising sun" to becoming a holiday of the rising Son? Hmm... doubtful.

Also to check out this weekend, CNN is doing a two-part special called After Jesus on what happened during the years between his death and when Christianity was formed, and for an alternative view om the early days of Christianity, The History Channel brings us Banned From The Bible, a look at all of the gospels that were stricken from the record and why.

I prayed to Ostara on the Spring Equinox to bring us her sense of balance, to wash away the past and to start us anew like the season before us.

This weekend, I pray to Jesus Christ, for all of the things he symbolizes. I pray for my faith to be greater than my fear, for the strength to overcome obstacles in times of oppression, for a tolerant and unjudging nature and to remind me in times of crisis that we are all, in our own ways, the sons and daughters of God who created us in his image and have access to the divine within.


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A Little Toasty Here

So a friend of mine who is heavy into past life regression therapy has this theory on why so many people are afraid of success or scared of shining their brightest.

I have written here in my own introspection, I have felt like it's a protection device. I know there have been times in the past where I have sabotaged myself or not allowed myself to really feel the bliss of a moment for fear that it might be taken away from me. I think a lot of us feel this way.

And my friend's theory would actually fit this line of reason but is rooted in past lives. She believes it goes back to the tens of millions of people deemed heretics or "witches" and sentenced to death over the course of so many years. Women couldn't dance, garden, own a pet, etc.

Any talent? Burn her!

Those were harsh years and that's a ridiculous amount of people, which means a lot of souls, if you believe in past lives, coming back with their tikun being to rid themselves of this implemented fear of shining their brightest and showing the brilliance of all they may be.

Again, it's just a theory! Not neccessarily mine, but I will say it strikes a chord.

If it strikes one with you, next time you feel yourself scared of being "loud and proud," just remember the only one burning you at the stake today is you.


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Always In The Beginning

With the blossoms of Springtime, all around me I see people going through their own personal death and rebirth these days. I have one friend in particular who is having a very rough go of it, currently experiencing that dark night of the soul that has to be walked through before the sun comes out again.

Being on the other end of that journey (for the moment), I'd like to remind him, and all of us who go through this at one time or another, to take solace in knowing he is closer to his rebirth than he realizes. Something must end before something new can begin. When going through that dark night of the soul, we can all take comfort in knowing that we're closer to renewed faith, optimism and light than ever before.

The end holds hands with the beginning.

And what is a beginning anyway? When does it occur?

Taking it back to Genesis, what do you think they meant when they wrote, "In the beginning..."? Did they mean the beginning of time itself? What happened before that? How did God get here? Or what happened before the Bang, if that's your theory.

Kabbalah teaches us to apply the wisdom of the Bible to modern day life, to the right now.

Right now, every moment is our "in the beginning." Every second is an opportunity for the paradise that the garden had to offer. Will we take this second for granted, as Adam & Eve took the garden? Will we indulge? We are given this choice every second of every day.

We're always in the beginning.

I was thinking of the Tree of Life this morning and wondering if maybe it only looks like a totem pole on paper. Sort of like how we used to think the world was flat? Perhaps the tree too is round. Maybe Malkuth is closer to Keter than we realize.

Maybe we're all closer to Heaven than we think.



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The Zohar - Weekly Studies
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Weekly Kabbalah Astrology
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The Logos
New World Astrology
Kabbalah 4 All
SpiritualityforKids.com


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Bullys in the Backyard

Questions. I have them.

Answers. I'm finding them on my own.

Should we really be shocked that our country is using terror to fight the war on terror?

And how much responsibility are "we the people" to accept for this nationwide tactic of fighting fire with fire?

A terrorist is a bully -- someone who invades your space and takes something that is precious to you.

I meet a lot of bullys on a daily basis and as anyone who reads my "News Desk" can attest, I sometimes become a pretty fierce one, too.

It is, after all, how most of us battle our obstacles on a daily basis. If someone screams at us, we scream louder. If someone cuts us off in traffic, we curse at them.

Many of us take this even a step further by bullying ourselves. We indulge in self-destructive behavior or "punish" ourselves for our imperfections. We bomb ourselves out of our own preciousness.

Not every country handles themselves this way. This is not the behavioral pattern of Europe where they operate on a level of respect and tolerance. There is a reason why Americans are seen as "pigs." We are indulgent in everything from our desires to our emotions. The majority of the world realizes your desires and emotions only matter to you and has nothing to do with contributing to those you love or society as a whole.

But this is who we are. This is what we have made into our America. And we weren't always this way, not back when the those treaties were signed.

So we have to accept some sense of responsibility for how this country handles itself when it is bullied because we fight terror with terror in our own backyards every day. It would be hypocritical of us to place all our upset in an index and point it to King G.

Our parents and their parent's parents created this societal blueprint.

You and I created this.

The great news is, that means we can end it. We have been fooled into believing that we are helpless, but we have way more power here than we realize.

It is said that if you want to change the world, you need to start with the self.

The war is right here. It is fought with the people we encounter and with the self on a daily basis.

We are the weapons of mass destruction we were looking for. We have been for a very long time.

There is light that can be pulled from the darkest of situations. We have the power to turn this war into a major "wake up call" for our country by turning ourselves and the way we operate around one individual at a time.

Lay it down.


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RELATED SITES:
Kabbalah.com
72.com - Technology for the Soul
The Zohar - Weekly Studies
Weekly Kabbalah Wisdom
Weekly Kabbalah Astrology
Exclusively Kabbalah Group
The Logos
New World Astrology
Kabbalah 4 All
SpiritualityforKids.com


Have questions? Need advice? Want to share? EMAIL Jason at jason@jasonsechrest.com